The reality of my daily life is that there is much that I want and need to do: I have a house to clean, meals to prepare, writing that needs to be done, Desteni ‘I’ Process assignments to be completed, and a small child to take care of and educate within all of that. What happens is that my child becomes an interruption. He needs something during every moment that I am working to complete the tasks of my day: he’s hungry, he needs his clothes changed, he’s broken something, he’s spilled something, he wants me to participate within his imagination, he wants me to play games with him, he wants to talk, he wants to cuddle, or he wants to do something else that does not include what I’m doing or being quiet and/or content through whatever it is that I must do. As I write this, he has diverted my attention from this task several times – right now he wants me to make him a bed on the couch and he’s asking me to join him.
Guilt. “No, H, I really can’t do that right now. What I need and want to do is to get this done. When I get this done, we’ll see.” I experience guilt within this statement because I know I need to be setting aside time for him – isn’t that what perfect parents do? Stop everything that they are doing and spend time with their children at the child’s request? What will happen if I ignore him? Will he feel sad and lonely? To make the situation worse, my child wants to spend every moment with me and is focused on me at all times.
Judgement. There must be something ‘wrong’ with me because I am unable to do and be everything in every moment. There are other parents that seem to have everything together. They’re able to get everything done that must be done and have the capacity to participate within their children’s moment-to-moment lives. What’s interesting is that I have these thoughts and I ‘see’ these parents within my mind as getting everything done, being perfect, and having great lives as parents but when I look at what real, at what I actually see and hear, there is a much different picture: Perfect Mother A is talking on her phone each time I see her while her children are scrambling around and placing themselves in unsafe conditions, Perfect Mother B wants to take a nap more than anything because she was up all night worrying about how her family is going to make it financially and emotionally in this world – she does not want to do anything with her child because his activity is high and hers needs to be low. Perfect Mother C threatens her children with spankings and will come after her children in anger if the house isn’t clean when she comes home from work. I could go on and on.
So why is it that we, as parents or consider being parents, aspire to be a Perfect Parent? Is it because we know it’s possible? Or is it because we know it’s impossible and we use this point of the impossible to self-sabotage ourselves when we are unable to live up to the expectations we’ve placed before us? Or both?
The truth is that there is no such thing as a Perfect Parent within the system as it currently exists. We know this. So let’s look at the Dark-Side of The Fairytale of Parenting.
So within the starting point of the truth that there is no Perfect Parent, let’s consider that it’s impossible. We’ve seen what our inability to adequately and effectively give to our children all of their needs has resulted in. We’ve created law-breaking, greedy, self-centered, irresponsible, lying, cheating, raping and murderous beings that are able to justify themselves within their actions and deeds. Within the impossible, within that which will never change about our parenting with no solutions it would make sense that we simply stop having children and write ourselves out of existence. For real, we’re doing it anyway – we’re killing each other off and we’re fucking the planet that has assisted, supported, and allowed us to live.
Do we accept this? Do we accept the limitation that we’ve created amongst the bullshit of guilt and judgement that we’ve allowed ourselves to participate within and thus become? Or do we stand up and say, ‘From here no further,’ and investigate solutions that will allow for us and our children to continue here on this Earth as responsible human beings?
If we stand up, then we must research what it is, exactly, that our children need to become the perfect human being. As it is at this moment, we do not know, absolutely and within complete certainty of what it is. We pick and choose from an uncountable amount of opinionated resources and none of it is working – our children all ‘turn out’ to be the same. This is proven in the fact that our world has not changed and is not getting ‘better’ but getting ‘worse’ by each passing day. It makes sense that we don’t see it – we’re caught up within thoughts, feelings, and emotions and we’re distracted by work, all the things that must be done, the events in our world, and the very thing that we ‘work’ so hard for – our children.
This is one of the many reasons that I support an Equal Money System. Within an Equal Money System we can have the opportunity, for the first time ever, to research and discover what it is that our children need as well as what the parents need that are supporting the children. An Equal Money System takes profit out of the problem so that we can get into what’s real and not what’s going to sell books, sell seminars, or make someone famous.
Consider this, when you were a child, you trusted that your parents and the adults in your life and within the world would ‘fix’ everything. Let’s give to our children what we wanted for ourselves. Let’s be the people that our children see us as and make damn sure that they are taken care of in this life.