Fear of the Dark

My child is afraid of the dark. When I ask him how come he’s afraid of the dark, he has no answer for me. He has not yet learned how to express to me what it is that he is afraid of when he is alone in his room with the lights out. As a parent, I am concerned – where did he learn this fear of the dark? What formed this memory? What did I miss?

I don’t see where he learned this fear from mine or his father’s reactions to the dark – his father enjoys the dark and within my process with Desteni, I no longer have the panic and anxiety of being in the dark. So, I assume that he learned it from whatever he’s been watching on TV. When I think back to when I was a small child, my assumption could prove to be correct because this is where I can recall my extreme fear of the dark was born.

Or is his fear pre-programmed? Is his fear of the dark a memory that I passed on to him? If that is the case, was my fear of the dark passed onto me from my parents? This would make sense as well because my mother sleeps with a TV on.

If we are pre-programmed, then why? Why would we be afraid of the dark? This is a point to look at for the simple matter of when I close my eyes, everything within and around becomes dark. In those moments when my eyes are closed and I am not ‘seeing’ pictures within my mind’s ‘eye’, there is nothing. I am within the darkness of myself. When I am within darkness, I see that I automatically seek out the light. Pre-programmed separation and polarity. As automated as my breathing.

The separation: I am looking for and seeking out something outside of myself to save me. Specifically, the light. I am dark. Why do I fear this and not embrace this? Why have I accepted and allowed myself to fear myself? I am looking at a huge fuck-up here.

The polarity: Light vs. Dark, Good vs. Evil, and God vs. The Devil. By allowing myself to be constantly moving between these polarity points, I have trapped myself within a cycle of distraction. When I see that dark is evil, I see that myself as dark is evil. If I see myself as evil then I’m going to try to be good and I’m going to try to walk the path of the ‘light’. I am not going to give myself the opportunity to stop, see myself for what I really am and remove the current definitions of the word ‘dark’ and thus see what darkness is, for real. Fascinating.

So here is where I would have gone into my childhood and how I developed my fear of the dark by watching horror movies on TV. It’s cool story but it’s no longer required here as I have my answer to why my child is afraid of the dark. It’s the same reason that I am afraid of the dark. We are equally in fear of ourselves.

After writing the first draft of this blog, it was suggested that I look at myself as a parent within the statement of ‘When I ask him how come he’s afraid of the dark, he has no answer for me. He has not yet learned how to express to me what it is that he is afraid of when he is alone in his room with the lights out.’ When I reflected this statement back to myself as a parent, I saw myself as trying to make myself feel better by trying to make him feel better. I, like most parents, see it as my duty to make everything ‘okay’ for my child – I do not want him to experience the same fears that I have, I want him to be happy, and I want to protect him from anything that would harm him. I soothe my son because I cannot magically take the fear away and somewhere along the way, I have convinced myself that soothing replaces that which I cannot ‘fix’. Within my mind, I see that a good mother holds her child and rocks him to a secure sleep as a solution to just about everything.

When seeing this picture within my mind, I see and realize that this picture is not real. This picture of a soothing mother that I have stored within myself and tried to attain, as myself, is not practical nor livable. I see myself as allowing myself to be directed by this picture within my mind instead of taking real steps toward looking at a solution. I realize that I have abdicated my responsibility to myself and thus my son by trusting this image and from that point, within seeing my abdication, stopping, and looking at a practical, livable solution. If I am to truly and actually assist my son with his fear of the dark then I must first assist myself and when I see myself as being a part of the problem. I see that I am projecting my fear of the dark on to him and soothing him as I wished someone had soothed me – I soothe him like I soothe myself when I am in the dark and afraid.

So. The solution is not for him to express to me why he is afraid – that fixes nothing. The solution is for me to self-honestly look within myself, investigate my fears, and to push myself to face my fears so that I can assist him within my understanding of our fear of the dark.

Self-Forgiveness:

  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ‘afraid of the dark’ and/or fear the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the dark with no lights on.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the dark with no lights on, alone.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that I am able to either be in the dark if I’m not alone or be alone if I’m not in the dark with a light on.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as needing light.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as needing light as within myself within my mind I see myself as dying if I were to not have light.
  • I forgive myself not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that within myself as my mind, I see death as the absence of light and thus, because I fear death, I fear the dark.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to realize that I have placed my fear of the dark as equal to and one with my fear of death.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to something outside of myself as being greater than myself, in this case, within protecting me from the dark or what might be in the dark that I cannot see.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my fear of the dark to a light source instead of allowing myself to take responsibility for my fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create images within myself as my mind of monsters, vampires, ghosts, dead people, undead people, and other demonic creatures that are here to ‘get’, harm, feed from me, eat me, scare me, taunt me, or kill me.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed the fear of the dark and the fear of that which could exist in the dark that I cannot see through reinforcing my fears via reading, metaphysical studies, others stories, and my own self-created mind-projected experiences/stories.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on my self-created mind-projected experiences and stories on to others so that they may share my fears and thus confirm my fears and my ‘rightness’ within my fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that when I tell my child that ‘there is nothing to be scared of’ that I’m lying to him and this is deception is exposed to myself by my child who does not ‘believe’ or trust me within this statement.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that there is ‘nothing to be scared’ of within the dark so that I may soothe myself within my fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my fear of the dark within accepting my fear of the dark and allowing myself to soothe myself as a means to feed and continue the cycle of fear.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see within myself as my mind a picture of a love, caring, and comforting mother that rocks her child into a state of soothing sleep with a strong embrace – stroking the child’s body with her hands, cradling the child’s head and pressing kisses to the child’s head and face.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this image of a ‘caring, supportive mother’ that I’ve stored within myself as my mind as a reference point for how I -should- act and react when my child is in fear or in distress.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by this image of a ‘caring, supportive mother’ when I do not have solutions to that which I see as my son’s ‘problems’.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this image of a supportive, loving, caring, mother within myself as my mind from my own desires to be held, protected, and soothed away from myself within my mind as my fears.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reinforce this image of a supportive, loving, caring mother via communication with others and their own desires and expectations of themselves and their children to be held, protected, and soothed away from that which they have allowed to cause them stress.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by myself with my mind’s interpretation of what myself and others expect me to behave as a parent.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to ‘soothe and comfort’ children because within myself as my mind I say to myself that children are helpless, cannot stand for themselves, and are too naïve to take responsibility for what they have accepted and allowed at birth.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a child as helpless, unable to stand for myself, and too innocent to take responsibility for anything that I accepted or allowed.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to project myself as I have stored myself within my mind as a child onto children.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that when I remove the image of myself as a child within my mind from other children and take it out of the equation, that what I see is children are not, in fact, helpless, weak, and/or too innocent to exist here. It makes no sense that we have to protect their fears, their emotions, their feelings, and their thoughts.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing to see and realize that I have created my weaknesses, my children’s weaknesses, and others weaknesses within myself as my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed these weaknesses with excuses and justifications and thus manifest them here within my reality.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand within myself as myself as equal to myself and my potential for investigating real, practical, and livable solutions for myself and my son.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate myself and my self-responsibility within not accepting nor allowing myself to see that I am strong, I am able, and that I can move myself to explore, investigate, and/or experiment with self-directed, practical, and livable solutions for myself and my son.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to be honest with myself and my child within the statement of ‘there’s nothing to be afraid of here in the darkness’ when everything that is here can be feared.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my child to transcend his fears when I have, in fact, not transcended my own.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assist and support my child in suppressing his fears rather than express and investigate his fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to realize and see that when I am communicating to my child to suppress his fears that I am communicating to myself that I am suppressing my fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see my fears as equal to myself.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and stand equal to the monster under the bed where, like a monster under the bed, I grab others as a means to scare them.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and stand equal to vampires in that I have to fed off others energy and/or what I have perceived to be their life-force or youth.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and stand equal to demonic possession within self-honesty that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by anger, resentment, greed, lust, jealousy, and superiority.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the darkness of myself.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out the light so that I may not face nor see the darkness of myself.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define light as ‘good’ and dark as ‘bad’.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out that which I have defined as ‘good’ and/or God-like within the light.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from, avoid, suppress, judge, and be afraid of that which I have defined as ‘bad’ and/or ‘Demonic’, hellish, a killer or a stalker within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out that which I’ve defined as good within the light so that I do not have to face that which I have defined as bad and/or evil within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress and/or dismiss that which I see within myself is dark, bad, and/or evil.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see, realize, and be aware that when I allow myself as my mind to become afraid of the dark, what is in the dark, and thus what is in the dark of me, that I am separating myself from myself as this darkness by first denying the darkness and then seeking out a source of light, goodness, and protection from and as myself and my world.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my pre-programmed fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my pre-programmed acceptance, love, and search for light, a light source, or ‘the light’.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see, realize, and be aware that I am allowing myself, as my mind within my pre-programmed existence to be directed by fear instead of stopping myself as my mind, breathing, seeing the fear, and facing the fear.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a fear rather than look at the fear in a down-to-earth, practical way.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a fear because within myself as my mind, I see scenarios of my death as a result or consequence of facing that which I fear.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and be aware that within myself as my mind, I am using fear of the dark against myself within pictures that which I will react within my pre-programmed fear of death.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture myself as being attacked by an animal, getting lost, getting hurt, falling, stumbling, being alone, being eaten, being kidnapped, being physically/sexually/emotionally abused, being shot with a bullet, being strangled, and/or being adopted by a pack of wolves if I were to stand for ‘too long’ in the dark, alone.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that by allowing myself to be directed by my fears, in this case ‘the dark’, that I have been and am missing an opportunity to connect with myself and my world as it exists in the dark.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand alone, in the dark, with myself.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand alone in the dark without fear so that I may see myself, the animals, and my reality as how it exists within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by myself as my mind within fear of the dark and/or death so that I am able to place myself separate from what could exist in the dark, for real.

After reading this Self-Forgiveness, I would suggest to myself to:

See and be aware that it is my acceptance and allowance of the fear of death that is creating my fear of the dark. Suggest slowing down in breath and looking at the fears that come into myself as my mind as pictures and saying self-forgiveness for the pictures that come into my mind.

Be aware of when I am going into an energetic reaction of panic within the dark, breathing, and pushing myself to remain within the dark.

Be aware of when I am seeking a light source when it is dark and begin asking myself questions – why am I searching for the light? Why am I unable to remain or be here? What is it about the dark that I do not trust? What is about myself that I’m not trusting right now? Why do I trust the light more than myself?

Not suppress my son’s fear of the dark nor encourage it nor feed it with positive reinforcement. Suggest allowing him to express his fear of the dark but do no react to it. Suggest to my son and myself that we go outside together in the dark so that we may face our fear of the dark together and become comfortable within the darkness. Work on assisting and supporting myself within understanding my pre-programmed fear of the dark so that I may assist him if required.

Not participate within myself as my mind’s image of a ‘caring, loving, supportive mother’. Realize this image and my forcing of myself to be this image for my son is not who I am – this is not real. See that by allowing myself to soothe myself and my son with this image, that I am not being honest with myself nor my son. Realize that by accepting and allowing myself to continue within this dishonesty, that I am creating a cycle of dishonest consequence for myself, my son, my son’s children, and his children’s children to face within their own acceptance and allowance.

See that when I am projecting myself from within my mind on to myself and others that I am creating myself and others within the image that I’ve created, memorized, and stored within myself as my mind. Realize that when I accept and allow myself to be helpless and in need of help and in turn, when I receive help that this reinforces my helplessness because my helplessness has been fed with help. See within this example of myself of how I have created my reality and how I have accepted and allowed to be directed by myself within my mind within this creation.

Direct myself to see myself as equal and one with my fears. See that my fears are a mirror of myself – suggest to not deny this nor suppress this but instead embrace my fears as an opportunity to learn about and become intimate with myself.

Be aware of when I am seeking out the good within myself, others, and my world and direct myself to look at what is here, clearly, for what’s really here and not via pre-defined words, polarities, and/or expectations.

Move and direct myself to stand alone in the dark and in silence – inside and outside – so that I can look at and self-forgive the fears that come to the surface via thoughts, memories, pictures, and/or words within myself as my mind.

Self-Corrective Statements

As I see that I am reacting to my fear of death while alone in the dark I stop reacting. I slow down, breath, and look back to the thought in which I triggered my fear of death. I self-forgive the thought/picture/word/memory that I used to trigger my fear of death within the dark.

As I see that I am reacting to my pre-programmed fear of the dark within myself as my mind as panic, distrust, unease, and seeking out a source of light, I stop. I remain in the dark within breath and push myself within my fear of the dark. I find silence within myself within breath, clear myself, and direct myself to be comfortable with/in the dark. I push myself to not turn on the light unless necessary.

As my son expresses his fear of the dark and I see myself reacting to his expression by wanting to suppress his fear of the dark or support his fear of the dark via coddling and/or positive reinforcement, I stop. I breath. I do not react to my son’s fear of the dark. I allow my son to express himself within his fear of the dark and I listen for clues within him as a mirror of myself to assist me in understanding my pre-programmed fear of the dark that I have passed on to him. I see my son as equally as responsible as myself within accepting and allowing the fear of the dark. I realize that I must first understand my own fear of the dark and be clear within the point before I can assist and support him with his fear of the dark.

As I see the image of the caring, loving, supportive mother that cradles a child to sleep as a means to soothe the child’s fear, I stop. I no longer allow myself to pressure myself into being this mother that I’ve allowed myself to create within my mind based on my wants, needs, and expectations. I no longer allow myself to pressure myself to become this image of this caregiver in response to what others have expressed to me as their wants, needs and expectations of a caregiver. I realize that this image exists in myself as my mind only and is not real. I realize that this image is not me. I direct myself to investigate and experiment with solutions that are equal and one to myself, real, practical, and livable. I share proven solutions with my son and others. I assist and support myself by assisting and supporting others within practical, livable solutions.

As I project myself as my mind onto myself and others, I see how by accepting and allowing myself project myself as my mind on to others that I have created my reality within which I live and face the consequences of each moment. I direct myself to stop creating myself and others as myself within and as my mind. As I make judgments of others and myself, I stop. I breath. I stop myself from imposing and/or impressing myself as my mind upon myself and others.

As I see my fears as separate from me as indicated by my judgment of words, pictures, images, people, animals, sceneries and/or memories as being ‘bad’ or ‘scarey’ or something to be feared, then I will stop. I breath. I slow myself down. I look at the words, pictures, images, people, animals, sceneries, and/or memories and see myself within. I direct myself to remove definitions of bad, scarey, fearful, feared, horrid, and dangerous from myself.

As I see and/or realize that I am seeking out the ‘good’ in myself, others, and my world as a way of accepting myself, others, and my world within myself as ‘okay’, I stop. I direct myself to stop placing a ‘positive’ value on myself, others, and my world and instead, work on clearing myself from these positive definitions so that I see myself, others, and my world for what we are, here, clear and silent.

As I see myself as rushing myself within the darkness to get to a light source or a place of comfort, I slow down. I allow myself to enjoy being alone in the dark.

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