Does Spanking Result In Respect? – Day 19

Tonight, this photo appeared in my Facebook feed:

1,433,614 people like this.

Obviously, this statement is a lie – and as with the majority of lies, it is a something that we tell ourselves to feel better about ourselves and something that we’re doing because we are actually aware that we are not responding in the best way.  In this case, the obvious truth is that spanking does not result in a child having respect for others – no, spanking results in a child fearing and being angry with themselves and others.  To prove this, all that one has to do is to go back to when your parents spanked you or if you have forgotten, place yourself in the shoes of the child.  Are you thinking about how you’ve just learned a lesson in Respect? Highly unlikely.

How are you feeling? Shocked? Confused? Dis-empowered? Violated? Scared? Distrustful? Angry?

How many parents stop, ask themselves WHY the child apparently has behavioral and psychological conditions?  Why is the child being accused of being a bully?  Why is the child anxious? Why does the child not listen and follow the parent’s direction? Why does the parent have to coax, plead, beg, yell, threaten and attempt all sorts of ‘tricks’ to get the child moving? Why does the child cry and often scream like they are in actual physical pain?

Why do parents continue to spank the child despite the fact that the child is showing over-and-over-and-over again that the what the parent  thought – what the parent worked out in their mind as the desired result – does not actually work?

And c’mon – spanking didn’t work on us either.  Look around you – look at all the people in this world – the majority of these people were spanked by their parents.  There is no respect here and it’s clear why: we were never taught Self-Respect. How can we respect others if we do not respect ourselves? The reality is that we’ve taught children fear, anger, and distrust – so, within this, the child becomes an adult with fear, anger, and distrust for others and themselves.  Just like us.

Parent or not, there is another pressing point which is the point of consequence.  When messages like this are shared it gives each other the permission to harm a child.  Yes, the message may have been about an act of ‘spanking’ and not all-out-beating, however, out of the 1,433,614 people that liked this, how many do we actually think are not harming nor have the potential of harming a child?  Will they see this message as the ‘go-ahead’?  What about the people that didn’t hit the ‘like’ button when the message was shared 457,953 times?  Who saw that?  What kind of mind is reading that?  Can we say with 100% certainty that a child is not going to be harmed because an adult got it in their mind that spanking a child is okay and teaches respect?  What if the spanking gets out of hand and the adult takes it further to the point of bruises, breaks, hospitalization, or even death?  What if the child does not show respect and the adult hits harder?  I mean, this stuff is really happening in this world and we cannot say, “It’s not my problem.” Because it is. We accepted it, we allowed it, this is our home, these are the people that we share our home with, and this is the home that our children are inheriting.  Why would we NOT make this our problem?

We tend to think that this is about us and only about us when it’s really not.  It’s about all of us and we must consider our responsibility to each other and assist and support each other to develop Self-Respect.  When we no longer accept and allow ourselves to be violated – in any way, including spanking – then we will no longer accept and allow the child or anyone else to be violated.  That’s REAL RESPECT.


My Creation, My Responsibility – Day 18

This blog is Part 2 of self-correction and self-commitment for self-forgiveness on Day 16, I Will Take Everything Away.

Part 1, Parent’s Responsibility To Stop Enslavement – Day 17, is here.

When and as I see myself judging other parents and children that are demonstrating behavior that does not align with what and/or how I have allowed myself to think/believe/imagine the behavior should be, I stop and breath.  I realize that when I engage and/or participate in this judging behavior within myself as inner-dialogue or with others openly, that it is not best for all – no, it is best for me and my self-interest to have a better experience for/as myself by showing myself and/or others that I know what’s best and that I am the better person for it.  Within this realization, I see that it would be best, instead, for me to ‘bring the point back to myself’ and take an honest look at who I am really judging – ME – and seeing that I have demonstrated the exact same behavior that I am now required to take responsibility for and change as MYSELF.

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into judgment of other parents and children by when and as the judgments come up, stopping, breathing, slowing the point down, and instead re-directing myself to utilize the point of judgment as a point that I must take responsibility for my participation within and as – and from here, change myself as who/what I will be when in the same situation occurs again and/or emerges in my own interpersonal interactions and/or experiences.

In addition, I commit myself to question WHY I would allow myself to automatically go into judgment and comparison of myself and others over-and-over again and WHY I allowed it in the first place – how is it benefiting me to do this?  Why do I not change this when the obvious nature of this judgment is not cool and often times evil?

When and as I see myself reacting with anger, frustration, and/or impatience when and as a child is not behaving as per my expectations, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I am attempting to release an accumulation of undirected negative emotional energetic reactions and instead of taking responsibility for these accumulated emotional energies, I am projecting them onto the child – as if it’s their fault and as if they are to blame for me experiencing myself that way that I am.  When in-fact that it is me that has been reacting and me that has allowed this stuff to accumulate within me.  It has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with me – me not living up to my self-expectations to be stable and responsible human being – and because I don’t want to face the truth of myself, I instead expect the child to be stable and take responsibility for the consequences that I created.

I commit myself to stopping myself from attempting to release and/or project my accumulated anger, frustration, and impatience onto/toward a child with the excuse/justification/reason that the child is doing something that does not align with my expectations.  Within this commitment, I will first remind myself that I have done this to myself and that it is not the child’s responsibility to take on my accumulated consequence.  Secondly, I will re-direct myself to take responsibility for myself, as per my own self-expectations, my reactions of anger, frustration, and impatience by writing out my self beliefs/ideas/opinions, writing out my negative emotions, investigating why I have allowed/have not faced my emotions with self-forgiveness, and changing who I am in relation to the events that led up to my accumulated negative emotional energetic reactions with self-correction and self-commitment.

On Guardian Angels

After I wrote my Journey to Life blog last night, I decided to go to the store.  As I pulled out of my driveway in my car, I saw someone from the corner of my view that I almost ran into.   When I looked at the person, they were pale, there were dark circles around the eyes and the face was covered with blood and mud.  My body literally jumped away from what I saw and I gasped and yelled, “WHAT THE F?!?!”  It was Christmas … not Halloween … wtf was going on here? In my mind, I was going through all of the possibilities of what was happening in that moment… and the person did not look at me but instead just kept walking with a blank stare … holy shit … 2012 … end of the world … is the Zombie Apocalypse real??

In shock, I drove a little ways down the road and saw a car flipped over on it’s hood in the ditch – the headlights were on and this persons coat or something was on the ground.  I immediately turned around to pick-up this person.  Within me there was a voice of worry, “What if this person is insane?  I mean, gauging by the condition of this world and kinda seeing where it’s going, bad things could happen.  What if they think that -I’m- the insane one coming to abduct them?” Still, for me there was no choice.  I guided this person into my car, talked with them, and we decided to drive them to their friend’s house around the corner.  I stayed with this person until they were safe and all was cool and then I left.  While I was at the store, I told the cashier about the experience that I had on the way to the store and this person’s reply was, “You’re an angel.”

It was interesting that the Angel point came up because I had just read some articles on Angels and Guardian Angels in an e-mail that was shared.  In the articles the author spoke about the percentages of people in this world that believe that they are being watched over by Angels and made reference to the stories of these people that had personal experiences with being saved by these heavenly creatures that we cannot see.   Here are a few quotes from these articles:

“31 per cent of Britons said they believed in angels and this level is even higher among women at 41 per cent. In the U.S., 80 per cent of people profess a belief in angels”

“U.S. author Doreen Virtue has a doctorate in psychology and has written 20 books about angels. ‘Everyone has a guardian angel,’ she says. ‘They stay with you from birth, making sure you are safe and guided always. I truly believe angels can help us heal.'”

“Lorna explains that people see them in different ways – some, like her, clearly see the face and shape of them while others, like Jayne, see them as beams of light or clouds. ‘No two are alike. They change their appearance and are neither male nor female,’ says Lorna.”

‘They don’t have faces or take human forms and their “voices” aren’t audible, but I can still communicate with them and get a sense of how they are feeling based on the colour of their light,’ she says.

“The Angel of the North is as tall as four double decker buses and its wingspan is as big as that of a jumbo jet.”

These are just a few – the beliefs, myths, and individual ideas of Angels and what they look like goes on and on.  My question within this is: If everyone has a guardian angel that keeps us safe, guided always, and can help us heal, then …

… where is this child’s Guardian Angel?

I have much more to write about this subject and will continue.