My Creation, My Responsibility – Day 18

This blog is Part 2 of self-correction and self-commitment for self-forgiveness on Day 16, I Will Take Everything Away.

Part 1, Parent’s Responsibility To Stop Enslavement – Day 17, is here.

When and as I see myself judging other parents and children that are demonstrating behavior that does not align with what and/or how I have allowed myself to think/believe/imagine the behavior should be, I stop and breath.  I realize that when I engage and/or participate in this judging behavior within myself as inner-dialogue or with others openly, that it is not best for all – no, it is best for me and my self-interest to have a better experience for/as myself by showing myself and/or others that I know what’s best and that I am the better person for it.  Within this realization, I see that it would be best, instead, for me to ‘bring the point back to myself’ and take an honest look at who I am really judging – ME – and seeing that I have demonstrated the exact same behavior that I am now required to take responsibility for and change as MYSELF.

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into judgment of other parents and children by when and as the judgments come up, stopping, breathing, slowing the point down, and instead re-directing myself to utilize the point of judgment as a point that I must take responsibility for my participation within and as – and from here, change myself as who/what I will be when in the same situation occurs again and/or emerges in my own interpersonal interactions and/or experiences.

In addition, I commit myself to question WHY I would allow myself to automatically go into judgment and comparison of myself and others over-and-over again and WHY I allowed it in the first place – how is it benefiting me to do this?  Why do I not change this when the obvious nature of this judgment is not cool and often times evil?

When and as I see myself reacting with anger, frustration, and/or impatience when and as a child is not behaving as per my expectations, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I am attempting to release an accumulation of undirected negative emotional energetic reactions and instead of taking responsibility for these accumulated emotional energies, I am projecting them onto the child – as if it’s their fault and as if they are to blame for me experiencing myself that way that I am.  When in-fact that it is me that has been reacting and me that has allowed this stuff to accumulate within me.  It has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with me – me not living up to my self-expectations to be stable and responsible human being – and because I don’t want to face the truth of myself, I instead expect the child to be stable and take responsibility for the consequences that I created.

I commit myself to stopping myself from attempting to release and/or project my accumulated anger, frustration, and impatience onto/toward a child with the excuse/justification/reason that the child is doing something that does not align with my expectations.  Within this commitment, I will first remind myself that I have done this to myself and that it is not the child’s responsibility to take on my accumulated consequence.  Secondly, I will re-direct myself to take responsibility for myself, as per my own self-expectations, my reactions of anger, frustration, and impatience by writing out my self beliefs/ideas/opinions, writing out my negative emotions, investigating why I have allowed/have not faced my emotions with self-forgiveness, and changing who I am in relation to the events that led up to my accumulated negative emotional energetic reactions with self-correction and self-commitment.

Parent’s Responsibility To Stop Enslavement – Day 17

This blog is Part 1 of self-correction and self-commitment for self-forgiveness on Day 16, I Will Take Everything Away

When and as I see myself attempting to control a child’s behavior by any means necessary, including threatening to take away the things that the child values and/or sees as important, I stop and breath.  I realize that I am imposing my own acceptances and allowances, as a child and as a parent, on to this other child.  I realize that I am forcing the child to conform to my beliefs, imaginations, and what I have allowed to ‘make sense’ in my mind.  I also realize that I am rushing through and/or taking the easy way out of a situation that requires my attention and parental direction.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to attempt to control a child’s behavior with threatening to take away the things that the child values and/or sees as important by instead breathing, not allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction, and directing the child to also breath, to understand the behavior and how the behavior may not be best, to work out solutions together that benefit everyone, come to an agreement on a solution, and then implement this solution.

When and as I see myself showing a child how to make a relationship connection to an object so that object becomes a source of comfort and happiness for the child, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that it is best to not encourage a child to create a relationship connection to an object – and it’s certainly not best to teach a child that something outside of themselves will make them happy and comforted.  What is best, however, is to teach a child to not require anything outside of themselves for happiness and comfort – and in doing so, I will teach the child self-support and assist them to not be influenced emotionally when/as/if there is a threat that the child’s objects will be taken away, the object breaks, or the object is worn out and unusable.

I commit myself to showing children that an object is simply an object that is here to be utilized for a specific purpose – if it’s a toy we play with it, if it’s a TV we watch it, if it’s a book we read it, if it’s a chair we sit in it, if it’s a cup we drink from it.  Within this, I commit myself to stand as an example by not reacting when an object I use is removed, breaks, and/or is worn-out/unusable – where, I breath and work out a plan to replace the object.

When and as I see myself considering acting in a way that would deliberately deprive a child of something that they value, I stop, I breath, and I do not go there.  Instead, I allow myself to use my imagination to place myself in the shoes of the child and ask myself: How do I experience myself when and as someone acts in a way that deliberately deprives me of something that I have placed value, is supportive for me and/or is something that I simply enjoy having?  As an adult, what do I see when myself or another is deliberately controlled by deprivation?

I commit myself to stop deliberately depriving children of something they value as to control the child by reminding myself that this enslaves a child and the product of this is a child that accepts enslavement and will grow into an adult that will be enslaved, enslaves others, and teaches their children how to enslave.

How To Start Releasing Myself From Conflict – Day 12

This post is a continuation of Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9 , How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10 and How To Self-Support For Anger – Day 11.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing my fear of loss of a child, the loss of a child’s innocence, and/or ‘messing them up’ as indicated by my backchat, “I’m doing this wrong. I’m going to mess them up. I made a wrong decision to bring life into this world …” I stop. I see, realize and understand that, again, this fear exists within myself as my mind only where I accept and allow myself to participate in the fear and become possessed which is all self-dishonest – this is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be which is in direct conflict of what is best for me to be – so, here I remind myself that I must release myself from these fears and then direct myself to assist and support myself with releasing myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction and living application that is aligned with who/what I actually see my potential as being.

I commit myself stopping accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in guilt and participating in my mind with thoughts that I’m ‘doing this wrong’, ‘going to mess this up’, and I ‘made the wrong decision to bring life into this world’. Instead of getting caught in this self-defeating trap, I find self-honest ways of doing and changing things in my environment that are aligned with the outcome/beingness that I want to be living and apply, stand as an example, and gently direct others during moments when I see it will be effective.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the fear that I’m going to ‘mess up a child’ by releasing myself from my fears with self-forgiveness and ‘raising’ myself and child in a way that is best with self-honesty and with the purpose of developing integrity.

Additionally, I commit myself to reminding myself that my fear of losing a child and messing them up are not real and that these fears exist within myself as my mind only.

When and as I see that I am setting myself up for failure as a parent as indicated by me fearing, worrying, and/or becoming anxious about ‘what others think’ of what/how I am directing myself as a parent, I stop. In this moment instead of participating and allowing myself to go into the backchat of what I tell myself ‘others must or will think of me’, I assist and support myself slow down and self-forgive the points that emerge to assist and support myself to no longer separate myself from others and to prevent myself from accumulating anger.

I commit myself to stopping comparing myself to others, trying to define myself as I have defined others, and forming ideas about others within and as my mind for myself to ‘live up to’ and/or become as myself. I remind myself that this is me distracting myself, separating myself from myself and others, and setting myself up self-disappointment via the unreal ideas and expectations that I have imagined of myself and others within and as my mind. Instead of looking outside of myself for my potential as a parent and a human being, I allow myself to see myself self-honestly and to develop the potential of my inner and outer being that is aligned to me living and making my decisions in a way that is best.

How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 and How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am judging as an irresponsible, unworthy, and the worst possible person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing another child into this world, I stop. Instead of participating in these thoughts, I assist and support myself to release myself from such judgments with self-forgiveness so that I no longer place myself in this continuous cycle of guilt, remorse, and self-pity and thus can really investigate and apply ways to be a responsible, worthy, and best parent possible.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that ‘I screwed up’ and other nastiness about myself having a child before I was able to get myself stable by reminding myself that I cannot change the consequence of my decisions, including having children, and within this, no longer accept and allow myself to get caught up in this where I instead look at, test, and practice ways to best take care of a child, a family, and myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive, and a bully, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive and a bully has changed nothing – this fear has not stopped me from doing any of this as I have directly taught them that being violent, abusive, and a bully is okay. Instead of allowing myself to participate in and be directed by this one fear in a given moment, I stop, remind myself that this fear exists only in my mind, self-forgive myself for the points that come up, and walk the correction.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my fear of how I could negatively raise, teach, and or program a child to be and within this, no longer accepting and allowing this fear to direct my decisions about what is best for a child, a family, the world, and a child’s future participation in the world. When and as these fears that I will turn a child violent, abusive, and/or a bully emerge, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and then look at, investigate, and/or get support for ways to prevent the child from the abusive living that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself, my relationships, and my world. Additionally, I remind myself that as I change to no longer accepting and allowing abuse that I will assist and support the child to do the same. It’s a win-win.

When and as I see that I’m attempting to pretend to ignore a child or anyone else when they ‘act out’, I breath and bring myself back to here where I am present and here for support if needed. I see, realize, and understand that ignoring the problem/behavior leads to and/or places me in an experience of lost-ness, hopelessness, and not pushing myself to figure out solutions and ways to support a child that are best.

I commit myself to no longer ignore and/or pretend to ignore what it is that I want to ‘go away’ by allowing myself to face it – even though what I’m seeing is ‘bad’ and by my mind interpretation, should not be. This applies to how I handle a child’s ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ in that I no longer accept and allow myself to ignore and/or pretend to ignore what I see as ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ within the hope that it will ‘go away’. I remind myself that I must see and understand the problem, the bad, the non-acceptable if/when/as I am able to come up with workable solutions so that problems, the bad, and the non-acceptable no longer continue to persist.

Within this, I commit myself to investigating what I’m seeing as bad, removing the reactions with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness, and testing/practicing solutions for what I find is best to no longer exist.

On Death

We recently had a death in the family.  It was a family member that my son had a relationship with.

To begin, when I got ‘the call’ that this family member had passed away, I stayed calm, and immediately directed myself to stay at home with my son while the rest of the family rushed to support G,  the wife of the person who died.  I also made the decision to not tell my son about the death on that day in the event that his father or other members of the family came to our house with reactions.  I saw that it was my ‘job’ to prevent my son from connecting death to reactions.  When his father came home that night, we quietly and calmly shared and discussed any points, concerns, events, and experiences that had happened in the home of the dead person.  As far as my son was concerned, this day was like any other day in his world.

I decided that it was best if I were to stay home and support my son through the week so I called my boss who gave me several days off.

The day after the death, I turned off all the media in our home and asked my son to come sit with me because we had something to discuss.  He came up and sat next to me on the couch and breathed to make sure that I was clear before I began speaking.  I began by referring to our dog, Jake, that we had ‘put down’ last year and said, “So, last year Jake died. And when he died, he died he was gone.” My son said, “Yes,” and I continued, “Like Jake, P has died.  And he is gone.”

“P is dead?”

“Yes, he is dead.”

My son let out a short cry – it was a cry that was familiar to both of us as it’s more of a sniffling-whine that he attempts to use to get something that he wants. And as he let out this ‘cry’, he said, “BUT I WILL MISS HIM.”  When he expressed this with the ‘cry’, I saw my son hear himself, he sniffed once, and he stopped as he was aware that this cry was something that we’ve discussed and proven to be ‘fake’.  From here, my son began talking in his ‘normal’ tone and we discussed his concerns and answered his questions.  When the discussion ended, I told my son that I had taken the week off from work and that I would be here for him -all week- to support him.  He was cool with this.

We continued to stay home together while the family gathered each night.  I did not see it as best for him to connect ‘G falling apart’ with death.  We did not participate until the funeral.

At the funeral, my son did fine.  He supported his family member by going up to hug her as she was bent over and crying at the casket.  And that is all.  It was done.  When we got in our vehicle and left the cemetery, he reacted in anger that he did not get to see ‘P’s dead body’.   His father and I explained that it was ‘just a dead body’, however, this child really wanted to make that connection so we made an agreement that we would investigate what dead bodies looked like on-line – he was cool with this.

Last night, my son was watching a movie where a dog had died and the cast of characters worked together to bring the dog ‘back to life’.  Seeing this created Hope within him and he became excited and exclaimed, “Wait! I can bring Jake back! And P!”  I told him that in real life, this does not happen – once we are die, we are gone, and we cannot come back.  He said, “Yeah … I know.” He was disappointed – even though, what he has seen and learned from life that beings do not come back when we die.  He wanted to believe – and I understand this because I live this myself – I hope and I believe because I do not want to experience my fear of loss, my fear of the future, and my fear of death.  It is easier to ignore our disappointment over-and-over-and-over again rather than face our fears and figure out where these fears come from – and so we fall into the trap of Hope, Belief, and misplaced Trust.

We call this LIVING?

And the cycle continues …

Cycles are easy.  But cycles, patterns, or anything we do over and over and over and over again, get us no where.

And running in the same pattern day-in and day-out – how is that we can call this ‘Living’?

Okay, so we may be ‘fine’ and ‘comfortable’ with our patterns – I mean, hey, they’re predictable – don’t worry NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE.  PHEW.  And we may see our fear of change and we may even be aware of what created it but do we change?  No man, it’s comfortable.

So, my question is:  Is this really what we want for our kids?  Suggest for parents and future parents to be self-honest about this point because if we ‘just aren’t interested’ or are ‘just not into’ bettering ourselves or breaking out of these patterns, then our kids don’t have a chance.  One can start by investigating ‘Hope’ and watch how our children are being ‘fed’ with it by the media, other parents, grandparents, our friends, etc.  Is a life of disappointment what we want for our kids?

So, suggest to understand where our hope is coming from and begin the process of removal of hope, faith, beliefs, and misplaced trust.  A cool starting point is by taking the DIPLite course.  It’s free and you’ll have a buddy to support you through your process of educating yourself and thus have the tools to teach the children what opportunities are available to us in this Life.