One Anger, One Choice – Day 14

Here concluding Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements for How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1. See Days 213 for previous Writings, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Correction, and Self-Commitment.

When and as I see that I am angry, I stop – I see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact angry at myself and that this self-anger is a consequence of me not being self-honest. Instead of allowing myself to project, suppress, run away from, hide from, ignore, push away and/or get caught up in my mind with my anger and backchat, I breath and allow myself to investigate the core/source/origin of my anger.

When and as I see that I resist facing my anger, I remind myself that I am going to experience this anger – one way or another – so, I take the opportunity to face my anger here: moment-to-moment in breath.

I commit myself to remind myself that there exists only ONE kind of Anger – Anger at Myself. Within reminding myself of this, I will better assist and support myself in bringing the points of anger back to myself and not allow myself to separate myself from my anger.

I commit myself to stopping my anger and myself from accumulating suppressed anger by establishing a relationship of self-honesty with myself. I allow myself to experience my anger that emerges within and as me and face my self-dishonesty with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness — and then, self-correct myself with/as/to self-honesty and commit myself to change so that I never again accept and allow myself to live in a way that is not aligned with who/what I really am and/or is best for me to be.

When and as I see that I am faced with anger, I allow myself to stop, breath, and ask myself: Why am I angry? Where did this anger start? Which points in my world have I not been honest with myself in relation to this anger?

I commit myself to, when angry, breathing, slowing myself, and asking myself, “WHY am I angry? WHERE did this anger start? WHICH POINTS in my world have I not been honest with myself about?” As this will assist and support me within my investigation of myself, my self-forgiveness process, and my commitment to stopping myself from existing within and as anger and suppressed anger.

I commit myself to no longer attempt force another to experience my anger so that I do not have to – within this, I remind myself that when another is directing their anger at me to not take it personal as this will assist and support me in stopping myself from directing my anger at another, separating myself from myself, and participating-in/creating unnecessary conflict.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to express my anger/outrage within a fight, battle, and or competition with another – I allow myself to breath, not become angry, not participate in the fight/battle/competition game and to wait it out until the energy runs out.

When and as I see that I am allowing fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority to in a moment change how I direct my living, I stop. I assist and support myself to release myself from fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority, with self-forgiveness so that I can transform myself and no longer accept and allow myself as having limited potential as a human being. I see, realize, and understand that these thoughts, emotions, and backchat are the core/source/origin point of my self-dishonesty and so my anger – I allow myself to take the opportunity to no longer accept and allow this self-dishonesty to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to allowing myself to see, realize, and understand where/how I have been accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, inferiority, and other dishonesties. I allow myself to realize that there could be better existence for me by reminding myself that I can no longer accept that I have limited potential as a human being and that I can transform myself – I have the tools, I have support, and I have physical time.

I commit myself to no longer accept the idea/belief that I am separate from what exists. I allow myself to educate myself, align myself with what is here, and self-forgive myself for everything.

I commit myself to removing the values I’ve placed on myself, my self-interest and what exists in the world with investigation, writing, and self-forgiveness. With self-correction and self-commitment, I work on replacing my previous/current value system with the value of life equal.

Is It Me or is My Child Naturally Competitive?

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While participating in a discussion last week in relation to an article that Manuela posted entitled, “Five Year Olds Are Generous Only When They’re Watched“, a point of competition came up which I found interesting because I have two children, raised 17 years apart from each other, and both enjoy competition.   With my first, I nurtured the competition and my second, I have not.  So, I asked myself the question, “Is this my doing or are children naturally competitive?”

At the moment, I am learning about the design of children and how we learn so I cannot say with certainty that my children are genetically coded with a system of competition and when learning Psychology were were taught that a child, when born, is essentially a tabula rusa (blank slate).  So, what I’m seeing is that I am responsible, as the main caregiver of my child, for everything that is being imprinted on, within, and as my child.  There is much to learn about children and though I have been a parent for 23 years, I am just beginning – so, what I will share here is observations, some self-honesty within the observations, my responsibility for the creation of competition within my child, a possible solution, and the reward that I found.

Using my second child as an example, the one that I have not made a direct decision to teach competition to, I found that when he was presented with an opportunity to Win and Beat Mom at a Game he got very excited!  I admit, at that moment that I saw this expression of him, I was not pleased and I started going through everyone and everything that has been in his environment and placing blame. What I see now that I missed was bringing this point of blame back to myself – not in a judgmental sort of way but instead investigating myself as a Parent self-honestly.  So, this is was something that happened in a moment during participating in a discussion on Forum and it happens often which is something really cool about working with a group of committed individuals that practice their self-honesty daily.

Anyway, back to the point to when I began investigating the point of my child suddenly becoming empowered with the thrill of potentially BEATING MOM.  I asked myself, “What would make him want to beat me?  We have lots of fun together don’t we?  I’m tending to his needs and being here when he wants me, yes?  What would have happened between myself and another that would I would react with my ‘You’re Going Down’ Personality where, when I won, would be accompanied by hooting, whooping, and doing a series of I Am The Champion dances?”  I mean, we all want to win because it means less for others and more for ourselves – so the question then became, “Why is my 5 year-old child experiencing himself as ‘less’ already?”

This was a completely unexpected moment for me.  And since he got excited about beating me, specifically, I saw a problem.

Problem: I have established myself as an Authority figure over my child and often keep him under-control and doing what I tell him to do by Counting-To-5 with the threat of a time-out if I reach 5 and I do not allow many of his behaviors because they do not agree with my own principles – and I have myself on a constant time-crunch so I will do whatever it takes in a moment to make him stop and as quickly as possible so that I can get on with doing what I was doing.  I have created and enforced Inequality because I have not stopped, breathed, allowed myself to be present with my child and aware of what’s going on with him, and directed us within a discussion about what’s going on with us or within our environment at that moment.  So, it makes sense that when my child is presented with the opportunity to be empowered, he’s going to take it and he’s going to live within this to his utmost potential of the experience because it feels really good.

Solution:  Instead of reacting to my child and driving for the moment to be over with whatever method works the quickest to stop a behavior that I see as distracting, and/or unacceptable, I stop, breath, and direct myself to share myself with my child and allow him to share himself with me within a discussion.  When I speak, I become aware of my the tone, vibration, and frequency of my voice and clear myself and my expressions of any reactions which show him that I am here with him, that I am stable, and that I want to share myself with him one-on-one as equals.  I start the discussion by sharing what I understand about what is happening as I’ve experienced expressing myself as he is and what I was going through at the time.  This assists in releasing him from the behavior and/or reaction immediately and from here, he will share with me his perspective.  I continue to move and direct the discussion through what I’m seeing as the Problem and what the consequences could be as per my own experiences.  When we’re in agreement, the discussion moves onto finding a Solution so as to work on making sure that the Problem does not repeat and then, once in agreement here, we agree on the Reward as how our lives will improve by living our Solution.

For the parents that may be saying to themselves, “That’s going to take way too much time – I don’t have time for that,” I suggest for you to try it – with my child I have found that this moves very quickly and it saves me A LOT of time in the future if I take 5-10 minutes and get it done in that moment.

Reward: Establishing Equality with myself and my child so as to prevent him from experiencing himself as ‘less’ and desiring to be ‘more’. Building trust as I share myself with him and he with me.  More time for myself in the future and more time together with my child that is fun and enjoyable.

Parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

Parenting – Perfecting The Human Race is a new series on Eqafe. I have been waiting for this for a LONG time and it has gone beyond anything that I had anticipated.