How To Start Releasing Myself From Conflict – Day 12

This post is a continuation of Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9 , How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10 and How To Self-Support For Anger – Day 11.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing my fear of loss of a child, the loss of a child’s innocence, and/or ‘messing them up’ as indicated by my backchat, “I’m doing this wrong. I’m going to mess them up. I made a wrong decision to bring life into this world …” I stop. I see, realize and understand that, again, this fear exists within myself as my mind only where I accept and allow myself to participate in the fear and become possessed which is all self-dishonest – this is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be which is in direct conflict of what is best for me to be – so, here I remind myself that I must release myself from these fears and then direct myself to assist and support myself with releasing myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction and living application that is aligned with who/what I actually see my potential as being.

I commit myself stopping accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in guilt and participating in my mind with thoughts that I’m ‘doing this wrong’, ‘going to mess this up’, and I ‘made the wrong decision to bring life into this world’. Instead of getting caught in this self-defeating trap, I find self-honest ways of doing and changing things in my environment that are aligned with the outcome/beingness that I want to be living and apply, stand as an example, and gently direct others during moments when I see it will be effective.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the fear that I’m going to ‘mess up a child’ by releasing myself from my fears with self-forgiveness and ‘raising’ myself and child in a way that is best with self-honesty and with the purpose of developing integrity.

Additionally, I commit myself to reminding myself that my fear of losing a child and messing them up are not real and that these fears exist within myself as my mind only.

When and as I see that I am setting myself up for failure as a parent as indicated by me fearing, worrying, and/or becoming anxious about ‘what others think’ of what/how I am directing myself as a parent, I stop. In this moment instead of participating and allowing myself to go into the backchat of what I tell myself ‘others must or will think of me’, I assist and support myself slow down and self-forgive the points that emerge to assist and support myself to no longer separate myself from others and to prevent myself from accumulating anger.

I commit myself to stopping comparing myself to others, trying to define myself as I have defined others, and forming ideas about others within and as my mind for myself to ‘live up to’ and/or become as myself. I remind myself that this is me distracting myself, separating myself from myself and others, and setting myself up self-disappointment via the unreal ideas and expectations that I have imagined of myself and others within and as my mind. Instead of looking outside of myself for my potential as a parent and a human being, I allow myself to see myself self-honestly and to develop the potential of my inner and outer being that is aligned to me living and making my decisions in a way that is best.

Advertisements

How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 and How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am judging as an irresponsible, unworthy, and the worst possible person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing another child into this world, I stop. Instead of participating in these thoughts, I assist and support myself to release myself from such judgments with self-forgiveness so that I no longer place myself in this continuous cycle of guilt, remorse, and self-pity and thus can really investigate and apply ways to be a responsible, worthy, and best parent possible.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that ‘I screwed up’ and other nastiness about myself having a child before I was able to get myself stable by reminding myself that I cannot change the consequence of my decisions, including having children, and within this, no longer accept and allow myself to get caught up in this where I instead look at, test, and practice ways to best take care of a child, a family, and myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive, and a bully, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive and a bully has changed nothing – this fear has not stopped me from doing any of this as I have directly taught them that being violent, abusive, and a bully is okay. Instead of allowing myself to participate in and be directed by this one fear in a given moment, I stop, remind myself that this fear exists only in my mind, self-forgive myself for the points that come up, and walk the correction.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my fear of how I could negatively raise, teach, and or program a child to be and within this, no longer accepting and allowing this fear to direct my decisions about what is best for a child, a family, the world, and a child’s future participation in the world. When and as these fears that I will turn a child violent, abusive, and/or a bully emerge, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and then look at, investigate, and/or get support for ways to prevent the child from the abusive living that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself, my relationships, and my world. Additionally, I remind myself that as I change to no longer accepting and allowing abuse that I will assist and support the child to do the same. It’s a win-win.

When and as I see that I’m attempting to pretend to ignore a child or anyone else when they ‘act out’, I breath and bring myself back to here where I am present and here for support if needed. I see, realize, and understand that ignoring the problem/behavior leads to and/or places me in an experience of lost-ness, hopelessness, and not pushing myself to figure out solutions and ways to support a child that are best.

I commit myself to no longer ignore and/or pretend to ignore what it is that I want to ‘go away’ by allowing myself to face it – even though what I’m seeing is ‘bad’ and by my mind interpretation, should not be. This applies to how I handle a child’s ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ in that I no longer accept and allow myself to ignore and/or pretend to ignore what I see as ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ within the hope that it will ‘go away’. I remind myself that I must see and understand the problem, the bad, the non-acceptable if/when/as I am able to come up with workable solutions so that problems, the bad, and the non-acceptable no longer continue to persist.

Within this, I commit myself to investigating what I’m seeing as bad, removing the reactions with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness, and testing/practicing solutions for what I find is best to no longer exist.

Fear of the Dark

My child is afraid of the dark. When I ask him how come he’s afraid of the dark, he has no answer for me. He has not yet learned how to express to me what it is that he is afraid of when he is alone in his room with the lights out. As a parent, I am concerned – where did he learn this fear of the dark? What formed this memory? What did I miss?

I don’t see where he learned this fear from mine or his father’s reactions to the dark – his father enjoys the dark and within my process with Desteni, I no longer have the panic and anxiety of being in the dark. So, I assume that he learned it from whatever he’s been watching on TV. When I think back to when I was a small child, my assumption could prove to be correct because this is where I can recall my extreme fear of the dark was born.

Or is his fear pre-programmed? Is his fear of the dark a memory that I passed on to him? If that is the case, was my fear of the dark passed onto me from my parents? This would make sense as well because my mother sleeps with a TV on.

If we are pre-programmed, then why? Why would we be afraid of the dark? This is a point to look at for the simple matter of when I close my eyes, everything within and around becomes dark. In those moments when my eyes are closed and I am not ‘seeing’ pictures within my mind’s ‘eye’, there is nothing. I am within the darkness of myself. When I am within darkness, I see that I automatically seek out the light. Pre-programmed separation and polarity. As automated as my breathing.

The separation: I am looking for and seeking out something outside of myself to save me. Specifically, the light. I am dark. Why do I fear this and not embrace this? Why have I accepted and allowed myself to fear myself? I am looking at a huge fuck-up here.

The polarity: Light vs. Dark, Good vs. Evil, and God vs. The Devil. By allowing myself to be constantly moving between these polarity points, I have trapped myself within a cycle of distraction. When I see that dark is evil, I see that myself as dark is evil. If I see myself as evil then I’m going to try to be good and I’m going to try to walk the path of the ‘light’. I am not going to give myself the opportunity to stop, see myself for what I really am and remove the current definitions of the word ‘dark’ and thus see what darkness is, for real. Fascinating.

So here is where I would have gone into my childhood and how I developed my fear of the dark by watching horror movies on TV. It’s cool story but it’s no longer required here as I have my answer to why my child is afraid of the dark. It’s the same reason that I am afraid of the dark. We are equally in fear of ourselves.

After writing the first draft of this blog, it was suggested that I look at myself as a parent within the statement of ‘When I ask him how come he’s afraid of the dark, he has no answer for me. He has not yet learned how to express to me what it is that he is afraid of when he is alone in his room with the lights out.’ When I reflected this statement back to myself as a parent, I saw myself as trying to make myself feel better by trying to make him feel better. I, like most parents, see it as my duty to make everything ‘okay’ for my child – I do not want him to experience the same fears that I have, I want him to be happy, and I want to protect him from anything that would harm him. I soothe my son because I cannot magically take the fear away and somewhere along the way, I have convinced myself that soothing replaces that which I cannot ‘fix’. Within my mind, I see that a good mother holds her child and rocks him to a secure sleep as a solution to just about everything.

When seeing this picture within my mind, I see and realize that this picture is not real. This picture of a soothing mother that I have stored within myself and tried to attain, as myself, is not practical nor livable. I see myself as allowing myself to be directed by this picture within my mind instead of taking real steps toward looking at a solution. I realize that I have abdicated my responsibility to myself and thus my son by trusting this image and from that point, within seeing my abdication, stopping, and looking at a practical, livable solution. If I am to truly and actually assist my son with his fear of the dark then I must first assist myself and when I see myself as being a part of the problem. I see that I am projecting my fear of the dark on to him and soothing him as I wished someone had soothed me – I soothe him like I soothe myself when I am in the dark and afraid.

So. The solution is not for him to express to me why he is afraid – that fixes nothing. The solution is for me to self-honestly look within myself, investigate my fears, and to push myself to face my fears so that I can assist him within my understanding of our fear of the dark.

Self-Forgiveness:

  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ‘afraid of the dark’ and/or fear the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the dark with no lights on.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the dark with no lights on, alone.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that I am able to either be in the dark if I’m not alone or be alone if I’m not in the dark with a light on.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as needing light.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as needing light as within myself within my mind I see myself as dying if I were to not have light.
  • I forgive myself not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that within myself as my mind, I see death as the absence of light and thus, because I fear death, I fear the dark.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to realize that I have placed my fear of the dark as equal to and one with my fear of death.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to something outside of myself as being greater than myself, in this case, within protecting me from the dark or what might be in the dark that I cannot see.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my fear of the dark to a light source instead of allowing myself to take responsibility for my fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create images within myself as my mind of monsters, vampires, ghosts, dead people, undead people, and other demonic creatures that are here to ‘get’, harm, feed from me, eat me, scare me, taunt me, or kill me.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed the fear of the dark and the fear of that which could exist in the dark that I cannot see through reinforcing my fears via reading, metaphysical studies, others stories, and my own self-created mind-projected experiences/stories.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on my self-created mind-projected experiences and stories on to others so that they may share my fears and thus confirm my fears and my ‘rightness’ within my fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that when I tell my child that ‘there is nothing to be scared of’ that I’m lying to him and this is deception is exposed to myself by my child who does not ‘believe’ or trust me within this statement.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that there is ‘nothing to be scared’ of within the dark so that I may soothe myself within my fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my fear of the dark within accepting my fear of the dark and allowing myself to soothe myself as a means to feed and continue the cycle of fear.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see within myself as my mind a picture of a love, caring, and comforting mother that rocks her child into a state of soothing sleep with a strong embrace – stroking the child’s body with her hands, cradling the child’s head and pressing kisses to the child’s head and face.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this image of a ‘caring, supportive mother’ that I’ve stored within myself as my mind as a reference point for how I -should- act and react when my child is in fear or in distress.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by this image of a ‘caring, supportive mother’ when I do not have solutions to that which I see as my son’s ‘problems’.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this image of a supportive, loving, caring, mother within myself as my mind from my own desires to be held, protected, and soothed away from myself within my mind as my fears.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reinforce this image of a supportive, loving, caring mother via communication with others and their own desires and expectations of themselves and their children to be held, protected, and soothed away from that which they have allowed to cause them stress.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by myself with my mind’s interpretation of what myself and others expect me to behave as a parent.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to ‘soothe and comfort’ children because within myself as my mind I say to myself that children are helpless, cannot stand for themselves, and are too naïve to take responsibility for what they have accepted and allowed at birth.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a child as helpless, unable to stand for myself, and too innocent to take responsibility for anything that I accepted or allowed.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to project myself as I have stored myself within my mind as a child onto children.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that when I remove the image of myself as a child within my mind from other children and take it out of the equation, that what I see is children are not, in fact, helpless, weak, and/or too innocent to exist here. It makes no sense that we have to protect their fears, their emotions, their feelings, and their thoughts.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing to see and realize that I have created my weaknesses, my children’s weaknesses, and others weaknesses within myself as my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed these weaknesses with excuses and justifications and thus manifest them here within my reality.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand within myself as myself as equal to myself and my potential for investigating real, practical, and livable solutions for myself and my son.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate myself and my self-responsibility within not accepting nor allowing myself to see that I am strong, I am able, and that I can move myself to explore, investigate, and/or experiment with self-directed, practical, and livable solutions for myself and my son.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to be honest with myself and my child within the statement of ‘there’s nothing to be afraid of here in the darkness’ when everything that is here can be feared.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my child to transcend his fears when I have, in fact, not transcended my own.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assist and support my child in suppressing his fears rather than express and investigate his fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to realize and see that when I am communicating to my child to suppress his fears that I am communicating to myself that I am suppressing my fears.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see my fears as equal to myself.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and stand equal to the monster under the bed where, like a monster under the bed, I grab others as a means to scare them.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and stand equal to vampires in that I have to fed off others energy and/or what I have perceived to be their life-force or youth.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and stand equal to demonic possession within self-honesty that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by anger, resentment, greed, lust, jealousy, and superiority.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the darkness of myself.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out the light so that I may not face nor see the darkness of myself.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define light as ‘good’ and dark as ‘bad’.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out that which I have defined as ‘good’ and/or God-like within the light.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from, avoid, suppress, judge, and be afraid of that which I have defined as ‘bad’ and/or ‘Demonic’, hellish, a killer or a stalker within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out that which I’ve defined as good within the light so that I do not have to face that which I have defined as bad and/or evil within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress and/or dismiss that which I see within myself is dark, bad, and/or evil.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see, realize, and be aware that when I allow myself as my mind to become afraid of the dark, what is in the dark, and thus what is in the dark of me, that I am separating myself from myself as this darkness by first denying the darkness and then seeking out a source of light, goodness, and protection from and as myself and my world.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my pre-programmed fear of the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my pre-programmed acceptance, love, and search for light, a light source, or ‘the light’.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see, realize, and be aware that I am allowing myself, as my mind within my pre-programmed existence to be directed by fear instead of stopping myself as my mind, breathing, seeing the fear, and facing the fear.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a fear rather than look at the fear in a down-to-earth, practical way.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a fear because within myself as my mind, I see scenarios of my death as a result or consequence of facing that which I fear.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see and be aware that within myself as my mind, I am using fear of the dark against myself within pictures that which I will react within my pre-programmed fear of death.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture myself as being attacked by an animal, getting lost, getting hurt, falling, stumbling, being alone, being eaten, being kidnapped, being physically/sexually/emotionally abused, being shot with a bullet, being strangled, and/or being adopted by a pack of wolves if I were to stand for ‘too long’ in the dark, alone.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that by allowing myself to be directed by my fears, in this case ‘the dark’, that I have been and am missing an opportunity to connect with myself and my world as it exists in the dark.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand alone, in the dark, with myself.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand alone in the dark without fear so that I may see myself, the animals, and my reality as how it exists within the dark.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by myself as my mind within fear of the dark and/or death so that I am able to place myself separate from what could exist in the dark, for real.

After reading this Self-Forgiveness, I would suggest to myself to:

See and be aware that it is my acceptance and allowance of the fear of death that is creating my fear of the dark. Suggest slowing down in breath and looking at the fears that come into myself as my mind as pictures and saying self-forgiveness for the pictures that come into my mind.

Be aware of when I am going into an energetic reaction of panic within the dark, breathing, and pushing myself to remain within the dark.

Be aware of when I am seeking a light source when it is dark and begin asking myself questions – why am I searching for the light? Why am I unable to remain or be here? What is it about the dark that I do not trust? What is about myself that I’m not trusting right now? Why do I trust the light more than myself?

Not suppress my son’s fear of the dark nor encourage it nor feed it with positive reinforcement. Suggest allowing him to express his fear of the dark but do no react to it. Suggest to my son and myself that we go outside together in the dark so that we may face our fear of the dark together and become comfortable within the darkness. Work on assisting and supporting myself within understanding my pre-programmed fear of the dark so that I may assist him if required.

Not participate within myself as my mind’s image of a ‘caring, loving, supportive mother’. Realize this image and my forcing of myself to be this image for my son is not who I am – this is not real. See that by allowing myself to soothe myself and my son with this image, that I am not being honest with myself nor my son. Realize that by accepting and allowing myself to continue within this dishonesty, that I am creating a cycle of dishonest consequence for myself, my son, my son’s children, and his children’s children to face within their own acceptance and allowance.

See that when I am projecting myself from within my mind on to myself and others that I am creating myself and others within the image that I’ve created, memorized, and stored within myself as my mind. Realize that when I accept and allow myself to be helpless and in need of help and in turn, when I receive help that this reinforces my helplessness because my helplessness has been fed with help. See within this example of myself of how I have created my reality and how I have accepted and allowed to be directed by myself within my mind within this creation.

Direct myself to see myself as equal and one with my fears. See that my fears are a mirror of myself – suggest to not deny this nor suppress this but instead embrace my fears as an opportunity to learn about and become intimate with myself.

Be aware of when I am seeking out the good within myself, others, and my world and direct myself to look at what is here, clearly, for what’s really here and not via pre-defined words, polarities, and/or expectations.

Move and direct myself to stand alone in the dark and in silence – inside and outside – so that I can look at and self-forgive the fears that come to the surface via thoughts, memories, pictures, and/or words within myself as my mind.

Self-Corrective Statements

As I see that I am reacting to my fear of death while alone in the dark I stop reacting. I slow down, breath, and look back to the thought in which I triggered my fear of death. I self-forgive the thought/picture/word/memory that I used to trigger my fear of death within the dark.

As I see that I am reacting to my pre-programmed fear of the dark within myself as my mind as panic, distrust, unease, and seeking out a source of light, I stop. I remain in the dark within breath and push myself within my fear of the dark. I find silence within myself within breath, clear myself, and direct myself to be comfortable with/in the dark. I push myself to not turn on the light unless necessary.

As my son expresses his fear of the dark and I see myself reacting to his expression by wanting to suppress his fear of the dark or support his fear of the dark via coddling and/or positive reinforcement, I stop. I breath. I do not react to my son’s fear of the dark. I allow my son to express himself within his fear of the dark and I listen for clues within him as a mirror of myself to assist me in understanding my pre-programmed fear of the dark that I have passed on to him. I see my son as equally as responsible as myself within accepting and allowing the fear of the dark. I realize that I must first understand my own fear of the dark and be clear within the point before I can assist and support him with his fear of the dark.

As I see the image of the caring, loving, supportive mother that cradles a child to sleep as a means to soothe the child’s fear, I stop. I no longer allow myself to pressure myself into being this mother that I’ve allowed myself to create within my mind based on my wants, needs, and expectations. I no longer allow myself to pressure myself to become this image of this caregiver in response to what others have expressed to me as their wants, needs and expectations of a caregiver. I realize that this image exists in myself as my mind only and is not real. I realize that this image is not me. I direct myself to investigate and experiment with solutions that are equal and one to myself, real, practical, and livable. I share proven solutions with my son and others. I assist and support myself by assisting and supporting others within practical, livable solutions.

As I project myself as my mind onto myself and others, I see how by accepting and allowing myself project myself as my mind on to others that I have created my reality within which I live and face the consequences of each moment. I direct myself to stop creating myself and others as myself within and as my mind. As I make judgments of others and myself, I stop. I breath. I stop myself from imposing and/or impressing myself as my mind upon myself and others.

As I see my fears as separate from me as indicated by my judgment of words, pictures, images, people, animals, sceneries and/or memories as being ‘bad’ or ‘scarey’ or something to be feared, then I will stop. I breath. I slow myself down. I look at the words, pictures, images, people, animals, sceneries, and/or memories and see myself within. I direct myself to remove definitions of bad, scarey, fearful, feared, horrid, and dangerous from myself.

As I see and/or realize that I am seeking out the ‘good’ in myself, others, and my world as a way of accepting myself, others, and my world within myself as ‘okay’, I stop. I direct myself to stop placing a ‘positive’ value on myself, others, and my world and instead, work on clearing myself from these positive definitions so that I see myself, others, and my world for what we are, here, clear and silent.

As I see myself as rushing myself within the darkness to get to a light source or a place of comfort, I slow down. I allow myself to enjoy being alone in the dark.

The Joy of Equal Communication

Some time ago, I watched a video interview with Bernard Poolman who described how he would reflect his children’s emotions, feelings, expressions and actions back to them without actually reacting to their emotions, feelings, expressions, and actions.  I have been practicing this mirroring back with my son for months and it has been a process for us both.  In the beginning, I felt myself reacting inside when I reflected himself as myself back to him and his response was reacting back to me in anger and frustration.  As time has progressed, it has become one of the base methods of our communication with each other and we both enjoy reflecting our expressions of each other from ourselves back to the other.  We have come to the point where we are laughing at and with one another.

We are learning to trust each other.

This type of communication does not stop here as it’s giving me the opportunity to get to know my son and have the ability to discern his real wants and needs.  To put this into perspective, I’ll be using the example below:

My son enjoys playing ‘Angry Birds’ on the computer.  I do not enjoy it as much as he does so I will only play with him for a short amount of time before I go to another task.  As I was making a cherry pie for my husband, my son, on the computer, asks me to come play this game with him.  I said ‘no, I am making Daddy a pie’.  He said, with a sigh, ‘I guess I’ll just stay in here by myself then.’  I replied, ‘Well, if you’re going to stay in there, then I guess I’ll just stay in here by myself and make this pie.’  He came out to the kitchen with a look of concern on his face – he wanted to make sure that I was ‘okay’.  He showed me that he was truly not cool with playing on his own at that moment.

Parents, we are told constantly how we are failing as parents and what we ‘should not’ be doing.  We are aware of how we are or have messed up and we are seeing the consequences of this within our world.  We search and look and try all kinds of different crazy ‘tricks’ and ‘methods’ to be a better parent.  We try to avoid doing everything that everyone is telling us not to do and to be honest, this makes us mess up even worse because it’s not real life stuff that we’re trying to pull off.  I’m seeing that I’ve been looking outside of myself for answers – that one piece of the puzzle that’s going to give me an ‘edge’ on this parenting gig.  I didn’t realize, until just a few hours ago, that this mystery solution of epic-explainable-in-big-psycho-babble-vocabulary is unreal and does not exist.  What works is something that’s right here, right now.  Communication within equality.  All, as one, as equal. Everything here is a reflection of ourselves.

We must work and never give up so that we can get to the point where we are able to not react to what we’re seeing and hearing so that we can see and hear, for real, what’s going on within ourselves, each other, our children, and our world.  I did not give up on communicating with my son as an equal because I had tried everything else, it never ‘worked’, and there was no other option for me to do.  And now, I share joy with my child within the trust that we’re building within honest communication to and as ourselves and each other.

Don’t Bite Your Friends!

My son has been ill for several days – he’s had a fever, his nose has been stuffed up, he’s been sleeping a lot during the day and then he developed a swollen gland.  I took him to the ‘doctor’ (Physician’s Assistant) yesterday and it was determined that he has strep throat.  So we’re on the road to recovery now but man, it’s been rough as he’s incredibly needy when he’s sick and up every 1-2 hours during the night crying for me.

I’ve experienced myself as ‘worn down’ in a way but not entirely –  I’m not as ‘cranky’ as I expected so my ‘mood’ hasn’t changed.  Difficulty expressing what is is exactly that I am and I’m hesitant to describe myself as more ‘open’.  Perhaps that is it.

A Blue Pussy, a Dildo, a Robot, a Uterus, a bi-polar Stoner, and a Furry DJ teaching our children Morals.

Last night, the TV was playing in the background and it was on a child’s show called ‘Yo Gabba Gabba!’.  This show has always fascinated me because the characters are a reflection of us and what is here as their physical forms are created to be a one-eyed-dildo, a flowering-uterus, a green-moody-monster, a robot, and a blue cat (which I don’t get that one).  While it was playing out in the background, the characters began to chant and sing, ‘Don’t Bite Your Friends!’ and I sang along.  Below is a YouTube link to this segment of the show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6UWNA-WQgI

The song is still in me.  And this is me, an adult, at 40 years old with all the other layers of memories, experiences, emotions and feelings within me.  I see the impact that this must have on a young, developing mind system and I am in awe of this.  I realize that the television is teaching my child morals – not me.  And I accept and allow this because through the TV and watching my parents, is how I developed my base layer of morals.

Within this realization, I begin to watch what my son is watching on the television and experience many ‘what the fuck?’ moments as what I’ve learned about myself by using the tools and support available from Desteni, goes ‘against’ what I’m watching on TV.  These shows are teaching my child what to expect and how to survive within these expectations as the current system.

Clever.

So, considering the potential for development with education policies and looking at moral development for the age group of 1-6 months, my starting point is a memory of when my husband first put our son in front of the TV within this age grouping and I remember being pissed-off about it but I did not have any sort of standing back then – as everything inside of me was an absolute mess of ideas, beliefs, and emotions:  I did not want the TV to impress on my child because I was told that TV is bad for kids and yet, at the same time, I was getting a ‘break’, we could relax as a family, and I could further justify that what he was watching was ‘educational’.

Educational. LOL. So true.

If I am being told by others outside of myself that ‘TV is BAD’ for children, this makes me question the statement as no one is saying ‘TV is GOOD’ for children. Hmm.  Myself, I enjoy learning by watching and listening to media – this is how I came to Desteni in the first place and I learn and/or retain more of the material by watching/listening then reading.  Is it because of the fact that I was ‘raised’ by the TV, is it how I, as my mind, learns, or both?

We humans are the mind and from my perspective, when looking practical, responsible solutions for educating ourselves and our children, we need to be aware that we are educating the Human Robot and not a Desteni ‘I’ Process participant nor another who has walked here with Desteni.  We need to approach this curriculum practically within presenting solutions that are effective within how we will be existing within the timeline we’ve established for the implementation of an Equal Money System. Let’s not exclude the effectiveness of the television.  Let’s investigate ways of taking the LIE out Tell-LIE-Vision and making it a PRACTIVISION.

The Child Police

Yesterday a woman approached me within frustration, sadness and tiredness as she was looking at point in which she was considering no longer continuing a relationship with her boyfriend because she has been unable to ‘make a connection’ with the boyfriend’s son.  From here, I’ll be referring to her as ‘SH’, provide some background information, and offer a detailed description of how the conversation was directed within a practical, responsible solution.

SH is a divorced mom that lives with her boyfriend – her high school ‘sweetheart’ with whom she reconnected with after her divorce.  The boyfriend has a son who is 13 years old whom he shares custody with his ex-wife.  The boyfriend’s son does not want to participate within the family activities inside nor outside of SH’s home – he prefers to sit at home, within his own space, play video games, stay up all night, and get up late in the day.  SH does not ‘like’ the son’s lifestyle preferences because she sees her lifestyle preference of getting up early, doing something ‘active’, and being with the family as ‘what is right’.  When she forces the son out of his space and makes him participate in family activities, she sees that becomes more and more distant.  Also, when this happens, her boyfriend’s ex-wife will call and communicate anger and disgust at SH’s attempt to ‘make him [the son] do anything that he does not want to do’.

SH is confused and does not understand why it has to be this way as she sees her own son as getting along great with her boyfriend.

SH has been living within this situation for the few months that I have known her and I can see that it’s ‘weighing’ on her within the way that she holds her body in a tired and heavy way.  She is also often lost in thought.  I can relate to and identify this body language clearly within myself because I have been here many times myself where I am at the point of ‘having enough’ and desiring to be done with it all – one way or another.

The solution I communicated to SH was within the starting point of directing oneself back to oneself as this is what has proven to work for me time and time again.  I ask myself questions: Where am I within this? Why, exactly, am I angry at this child?  Why is it that I expect this child to become me and be interested in participating in the same activities as myself?  Why am I blaming this one person for all that is ‘wrong’ in my life?  What is it that I’m not facing about myself?  What is this child showing me about myself that I am not being honest with myself about – what don’t I want to see?

None of us can argue with the point that children are closer to their real selves than adults as they have less of a history within this world and having to ‘fit in’ here.  It is us, as adults, that are messed up and we force our children to become as messed up as we are because we want them to be ‘like us’.  It is us, as adults, that have created many different selves for many different situations and/or events so that we can ensure our survival within the system.  The facts are: Children are closer to their real selves than adults are and children are here to teach us and show us who we really are.  We, as parents, teachers, and guardians of children have a responsibility within the realization that we are not here to teach children but that they are here to teach us.

How is it that we can learn from our children?

  • We become equal to them.  We no longer place ourselves in a position of superiority nor inferiority within our relationships with children.  We stop policing our children so that they may have the opportunity to express themselves.  We, as adults, are not cool with being ‘told what to do’ or being made to participate within specific activities that do not interest us and within that, we offer the same and equal respect of ourselves as ourselves to our children within their honest communication of themselves, their interests, and their lives.  We no longer force them to become us.
  • We educate ourselves to express ourselves so that we can communicate effectively and honestly with others outside of ourselves and thus teach our children expression as a living example.  Specifically looking at ‘swear words’, we realize and see through our experiences with swearing that it’s FUCKING AWESOME to express ourselves within these pure words and yet, we punish our children when they express them?  This makes no sense … Why are we doing this? So that a child does not ‘offend’ another adult, a ‘respected’ family member, or a school teacher?  We are afraid of how it will make us ‘look’ as parents and/or guardians within our community if our children express themselves openly without fear of punishment?  The truth is, the way we currently exist, we are suppressing our children by not allowing them to express themselves and we are allowing ourselves to be suppressed by others outside of ourselves because of fear.  This is abuse.  Abuse of ourselves that we pass on to our children.  It must stop.  It is our ‘duty’ to our children to learn how to express ourselves through writing and investigation of ourselves so that we can share ourselves with our children and thus show them, via language, how to share themselves with us.
  • We allow them to make mistakes.  We allow them to face themselves within the consequences of their choices.  Within our understanding that children are equal, one, and the same as us, we see that they must face all that we face.  Within SH’s experience of her boyfriend’s son wanting to play video games throughout the night and not participate with family activities, then he, like the rest of us, will have to live the consequences of these ‘choices’.
  • We take ownership of ourselves and allow our children to take ownership of themselves.  I am mine, you are yours.  I am taking responsibility for myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed, I am stopping the blame, the anger, and the reactions – I am here, showing you, via my words and actions, that it is possible for you to do the same.  Being a living example is the best starting point we can give to our children.  So, stop focusing on the child and everything that he is ‘doing wrong’ and bring the focus back to yourself and be honest with yourself about what is ‘wrong’ and why you’re seeing it that way.  Once we are clear of these unreal expectations, we are then able to be effective with our children.

We know this. It is common sense. Now, let’s walk it.