One Anger, One Choice – Day 14

Here concluding Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements for How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1. See Days 213 for previous Writings, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Correction, and Self-Commitment.

When and as I see that I am angry, I stop – I see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact angry at myself and that this self-anger is a consequence of me not being self-honest. Instead of allowing myself to project, suppress, run away from, hide from, ignore, push away and/or get caught up in my mind with my anger and backchat, I breath and allow myself to investigate the core/source/origin of my anger.

When and as I see that I resist facing my anger, I remind myself that I am going to experience this anger – one way or another – so, I take the opportunity to face my anger here: moment-to-moment in breath.

I commit myself to remind myself that there exists only ONE kind of Anger – Anger at Myself. Within reminding myself of this, I will better assist and support myself in bringing the points of anger back to myself and not allow myself to separate myself from my anger.

I commit myself to stopping my anger and myself from accumulating suppressed anger by establishing a relationship of self-honesty with myself. I allow myself to experience my anger that emerges within and as me and face my self-dishonesty with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness — and then, self-correct myself with/as/to self-honesty and commit myself to change so that I never again accept and allow myself to live in a way that is not aligned with who/what I really am and/or is best for me to be.

When and as I see that I am faced with anger, I allow myself to stop, breath, and ask myself: Why am I angry? Where did this anger start? Which points in my world have I not been honest with myself in relation to this anger?

I commit myself to, when angry, breathing, slowing myself, and asking myself, “WHY am I angry? WHERE did this anger start? WHICH POINTS in my world have I not been honest with myself about?” As this will assist and support me within my investigation of myself, my self-forgiveness process, and my commitment to stopping myself from existing within and as anger and suppressed anger.

I commit myself to no longer attempt force another to experience my anger so that I do not have to – within this, I remind myself that when another is directing their anger at me to not take it personal as this will assist and support me in stopping myself from directing my anger at another, separating myself from myself, and participating-in/creating unnecessary conflict.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to express my anger/outrage within a fight, battle, and or competition with another – I allow myself to breath, not become angry, not participate in the fight/battle/competition game and to wait it out until the energy runs out.

When and as I see that I am allowing fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority to in a moment change how I direct my living, I stop. I assist and support myself to release myself from fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority, with self-forgiveness so that I can transform myself and no longer accept and allow myself as having limited potential as a human being. I see, realize, and understand that these thoughts, emotions, and backchat are the core/source/origin point of my self-dishonesty and so my anger – I allow myself to take the opportunity to no longer accept and allow this self-dishonesty to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to allowing myself to see, realize, and understand where/how I have been accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, inferiority, and other dishonesties. I allow myself to realize that there could be better existence for me by reminding myself that I can no longer accept that I have limited potential as a human being and that I can transform myself – I have the tools, I have support, and I have physical time.

I commit myself to no longer accept the idea/belief that I am separate from what exists. I allow myself to educate myself, align myself with what is here, and self-forgive myself for everything.

I commit myself to removing the values I’ve placed on myself, my self-interest and what exists in the world with investigation, writing, and self-forgiveness. With self-correction and self-commitment, I work on replacing my previous/current value system with the value of life equal.

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Allowing Myself to Care For and Serve Life – Day 13

In this post I am continuing with the  Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from where I left off on How To Start Releasing Myself From Conflict – Day 12.

Photo: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-259-give-happiness-get-happiness.html

When and as I see that I am acting on my fear of failure as a parent as indicated by me thinking, “I can’t be a good parent. I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I’m not good enough.” And by me going into the opposite polarity where I see that I have something to prove and so I push myself and I push my child – I stop. I see, realize, and understand that this creates a battle within myself and without with my child and keeps us from enjoying each other and our lives together here. The conflict and battles are unnecessary and change nothing. When and as other points within my fear of failure as a parent emerge, I self-forgive myself to release myself from the fear and instead of allowing us to live as I have been taught and/or how we have been living in the past, I look for the best possible ways for us to have a cool life together, apply, keep what is good and get rid of the bad.

I commit myself to stop accepting the thought, “I can’t be a good parent. I can’t do this. I won’t do this,” by reminding myself that this is a response to me trying to come up with a solution in my mind and within this because I do not have a solution readily available within my memory, I panic, and immediately define this not being aware, not being educated, and/or being a failure. Instead of allowing myself to give up, I say, “No. Stop. I will not give up,” and then move myself to get support and perspectives from others that may have a solution that I had not considered.

I commit myself to no longer ‘battle it out’ with my child by reminding myself that when and as I allow myself to do this, I am missing me, missing the child, missing an opportunity to improve our living and our time here together. And, again, as points come up that I see that I’m reacting to and battling within and as myself with, I assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application statements.

I commit myself to stop expressing and living the belief that this is ‘my life’ and that I must have ‘my time‘ – instead I by change my living to be an expression of myself in service to life with what time that I have here. To assist and support myself with this commitment to change, I use the tools of writing and self-forgiveness to remove/release my backchat and then self-correction and self-commitment as the ways that I must change in order to be a caring and humble human being.

When and as I see/feel/experience myself mentally and physically reacting to words, I breath and observe how this changes me from moment-to-moment so that I can ask for perspective, get support, and better understand the experience so that I can see where I require self-support.

I commit myself to stopping myself from reacting to my child and others Words by breathing, allowing myself to slow down so that I can identify the hows, whens, whys, and wheres of my reactions, and applying self-forgiveness.

How To Start Releasing Myself From Conflict – Day 12

This post is a continuation of Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9 , How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10 and How To Self-Support For Anger – Day 11.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing my fear of loss of a child, the loss of a child’s innocence, and/or ‘messing them up’ as indicated by my backchat, “I’m doing this wrong. I’m going to mess them up. I made a wrong decision to bring life into this world …” I stop. I see, realize and understand that, again, this fear exists within myself as my mind only where I accept and allow myself to participate in the fear and become possessed which is all self-dishonest – this is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be which is in direct conflict of what is best for me to be – so, here I remind myself that I must release myself from these fears and then direct myself to assist and support myself with releasing myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction and living application that is aligned with who/what I actually see my potential as being.

I commit myself stopping accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in guilt and participating in my mind with thoughts that I’m ‘doing this wrong’, ‘going to mess this up’, and I ‘made the wrong decision to bring life into this world’. Instead of getting caught in this self-defeating trap, I find self-honest ways of doing and changing things in my environment that are aligned with the outcome/beingness that I want to be living and apply, stand as an example, and gently direct others during moments when I see it will be effective.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the fear that I’m going to ‘mess up a child’ by releasing myself from my fears with self-forgiveness and ‘raising’ myself and child in a way that is best with self-honesty and with the purpose of developing integrity.

Additionally, I commit myself to reminding myself that my fear of losing a child and messing them up are not real and that these fears exist within myself as my mind only.

When and as I see that I am setting myself up for failure as a parent as indicated by me fearing, worrying, and/or becoming anxious about ‘what others think’ of what/how I am directing myself as a parent, I stop. In this moment instead of participating and allowing myself to go into the backchat of what I tell myself ‘others must or will think of me’, I assist and support myself slow down and self-forgive the points that emerge to assist and support myself to no longer separate myself from others and to prevent myself from accumulating anger.

I commit myself to stopping comparing myself to others, trying to define myself as I have defined others, and forming ideas about others within and as my mind for myself to ‘live up to’ and/or become as myself. I remind myself that this is me distracting myself, separating myself from myself and others, and setting myself up self-disappointment via the unreal ideas and expectations that I have imagined of myself and others within and as my mind. Instead of looking outside of myself for my potential as a parent and a human being, I allow myself to see myself self-honestly and to develop the potential of my inner and outer being that is aligned to me living and making my decisions in a way that is best.

How To Self-Support For Anger – Day 11

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9 and How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to see myself as lost, hopeless, and/or using the excuse that I ‘don’t know what to do’ by reminding myself that this is what the support system of Desteni is here for – to assist me with points that I may not be seeing, realizing and/or understanding.

When and as I see that I am moving between polarities of Good and Bad as demonstrated by my in one moment seeing a child as bad and in another moment, seeing a child as good and physically showing my reaction to this by demonstrating conflicting signals – I stop. I see, realize, and understand that when I allow myself to change from moment-to-moment depending on what’s happening in my environment where I am reacting rather responding/directing moment-to-moment as/within what is best, that I am projecting myself as an unstable, dishonest, and reactive person that cannot be trusted. Within this seeing of myself, I direct myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react and to instead respond by looking at the problem/situation/experience/event and deciding on an action that is best and then apply it.

I commit myself to no longer reward a child with praise, physical shows of love, and attention only when they do something ‘good’ – and to instead physically show them love, caring, and encouragement as an expression of myself with children.

I commit myself to stopping myself from shifting between personalities as a way to keep a child and my environment under control. I remind myself when and as I begin to experience a conflicting shift, that I will be sending the child and my environment conflicting signals about who/what/where I am and instead, allow myself to stand, breath, not react, and assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and self-correction for the points that emerge that I have not yet investigated when and as I experience the desire to shift personalities.

When and as I see that I am expecting a young person to sort out their anger on their own as indicated by me voicing to them, “You have to sort out your anger on your own,” I stop. I no longer allow myself to do this because it is self-dishonest – I see, realize, and understand two points: One, I cannot expect another to do something/transcend a point that I myself have not done/transcended and two, I have a great amount of support to assist me with sorting out my anger and without this it is unlikely that I would have/will do this without that continued support – within reminding myself of these two points, instead of leaving a child alone to work out their anger/issues/frustrations/experiences, I direct myself to be here with the child and give to them the support that I have been given within my own process of working on sorting out my anger.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to see a child or anyone outside of myself as ‘having the problem’ and to instead see myself within and as the problem, assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction. So, instead of projecting blame/fault onto others, I stand as an example of not limiting myself as a human being and taking responsibility for and directing the problems that I see where I no longer accept and allow the problems to direct me and separate me from myself.

I commit myself to stopping myself from expecting others, including a young person,  to sort out their anger – within this, I instead focus on sorting out my own anger and allow myself to be here to support others as they sort out their anger where I give as I have been given. Instead of pawning off my responsibility for myself and others on to others, I assist and support myself and others with the tools that I’ve learned to not react, to not play the game, and to not take it personal. Additionally, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and self-correction as I see myself within others expressions of anger.

How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 and How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am judging as an irresponsible, unworthy, and the worst possible person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing another child into this world, I stop. Instead of participating in these thoughts, I assist and support myself to release myself from such judgments with self-forgiveness so that I no longer place myself in this continuous cycle of guilt, remorse, and self-pity and thus can really investigate and apply ways to be a responsible, worthy, and best parent possible.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that ‘I screwed up’ and other nastiness about myself having a child before I was able to get myself stable by reminding myself that I cannot change the consequence of my decisions, including having children, and within this, no longer accept and allow myself to get caught up in this where I instead look at, test, and practice ways to best take care of a child, a family, and myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive, and a bully, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive and a bully has changed nothing – this fear has not stopped me from doing any of this as I have directly taught them that being violent, abusive, and a bully is okay. Instead of allowing myself to participate in and be directed by this one fear in a given moment, I stop, remind myself that this fear exists only in my mind, self-forgive myself for the points that come up, and walk the correction.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my fear of how I could negatively raise, teach, and or program a child to be and within this, no longer accepting and allowing this fear to direct my decisions about what is best for a child, a family, the world, and a child’s future participation in the world. When and as these fears that I will turn a child violent, abusive, and/or a bully emerge, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and then look at, investigate, and/or get support for ways to prevent the child from the abusive living that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself, my relationships, and my world. Additionally, I remind myself that as I change to no longer accepting and allowing abuse that I will assist and support the child to do the same. It’s a win-win.

When and as I see that I’m attempting to pretend to ignore a child or anyone else when they ‘act out’, I breath and bring myself back to here where I am present and here for support if needed. I see, realize, and understand that ignoring the problem/behavior leads to and/or places me in an experience of lost-ness, hopelessness, and not pushing myself to figure out solutions and ways to support a child that are best.

I commit myself to no longer ignore and/or pretend to ignore what it is that I want to ‘go away’ by allowing myself to face it – even though what I’m seeing is ‘bad’ and by my mind interpretation, should not be. This applies to how I handle a child’s ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ in that I no longer accept and allow myself to ignore and/or pretend to ignore what I see as ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ within the hope that it will ‘go away’. I remind myself that I must see and understand the problem, the bad, the non-acceptable if/when/as I am able to come up with workable solutions so that problems, the bad, and the non-acceptable no longer continue to persist.

Within this, I commit myself to investigating what I’m seeing as bad, removing the reactions with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness, and testing/practicing solutions for what I find is best to no longer exist.

How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

This post continues Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am at that point where I want to make the event/situation stop by reacting and/or releasing my anger, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that all that I am required to do is be here and hear – I do not have to participate.

When and as I see/hear myself showing/telling myself that I am a Bad Parent and/or when, as a result of this, I experience guilt, remorse, and/or sadness, I remind myself that this is not me – that what/who I am showing myself that I am is in direct conflict with who I want to be and to accept and allow myself to participate in the Thoughts gets me caught up and at the mercy of my mind instead of working on practical solutions to become the parent that is best and that I want myself to be. When and as the Thought comes up ‘I am a bad parent because …’, I assist and support myself to release myself from this conflicting information about myself with self-forgiveness and then work on becoming the parent that is more aligned with myself with practical self-correction and then making the decision to walk my correction. Additionally, I see within this that I must pay particular attention the judgments/perceptions/beliefs/and backchat that come up.

I commit myself to stopping my acceptance and allowance of self-judgment, guilt, remorse, sadness, and telling myself the nasty things that I do like ‘I am a Bad Parent that does not deserve children’ by assisting and supporting myself to remove the nastiness and the emotions from myself with writing and self-forgiveness and to investigate, look at, and test out ways that will make me the best parent and human being that I can be.

When and as I hear myself considering allowing myself to be used as a physical ‘punching bag’, I stop. I see, realize and understand that if I allow my child to hit/physically hurt me that I am teaching them that hitting/being hit is ‘okay’. I remind myself of the consequences of allowing abuse of any kind and within this, I no longer accept nor allow myself to offer myself physically to my child or anyone else to let out anger, beat me, hit me, ‘get it all out’, and/or as a punching bag.

I commit myself to no longer allow my child or anyone else to physically ‘let out his anger’ on me. I remind myself that this is how I in-fact teach/show that it’s ‘okay’ to be physically abusive. So, I stop. From here – no more.

How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8

This post begins the process of writing Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements for realizations of myself within Self-Forgiveness that was written here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

War Within War Without – Day 7

When and as I see that I am reacting to an event that I see as uncontrollable and potentially stressful, I stop. I stabilize myself with breathing. I see, realize, and understand that if I react that this is self-dishonest and within/as this dishonesty, I create self-anger. Additionally, if I separate myself from the event and react, that I miss an opportunity to be self-honest, establish self-trust, and to assist and support myself to remove anger from myself.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing my anger to direct me and/or accumulate within and as me by breathing to stabilize myself and using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction to assist and support myself to release myself from my anger, to stand up and become the directive principle in my living and to prevent anger in the future by being/becoming self-honest.

When and as I see that I am reacting or about to react to my child’s expression of anger, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that whatever they are doing or saying is not about me and that it’s about how they are experiencing themselves and if I react that I will not be able to assist and support them with communicating with me/themselves, understanding themselves, and re-directing themselves. Instead of allowing myself to react, I investigate myself and look for ways that I can assist both my child and myself to be self-honest.

I commit myself to continue to practice not reacting to my child by: breathing, facing myself as the child assists in bringing up points, no longer accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my anger/reactions with blame, practicing counting my words, placing a guard on my thoughts, and to practice ‘being a like a tree‘.

When and as my child or anyone else outside of myself shows anger and/or frustration directed at me or not directed at me, I remind myself that this anger and/or frustration is not personal and that the anger and/or frustration one is experiencing is in-fact with themselves – just as it is with me being angry and/or frustrated with myself for accepting and allowing myself to live self-dishonestly. Instead of reacting, I stop, I breath, and I wait for the energy to pass.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be/become overwhelmed with irritation and conflict by no longer accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in myself as my mind’s fear and to instead breath and remind myself that: What I resist persists. So, within this, instead of resisting, ignoring, and/or trying to make the uncomfortable events outside of myself stop, I work on stopping how these uncomfortable events direct/move/change me from within with the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction so that I can I stand as an example of how it is actually possible to stand, be responsible, and be countable regardless of how ‘tough’ or ‘hard’ or ‘impossible’ changing/making changes in one’s world may look within/as/through the filtration of our minds.

War Within War Without – Day 7

Here continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I am angry at myself for allowing myself to exist as I am as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority – I have not seen nor realized that there could be a better existence for myself when and as I stop, stand up, change how I direct my moment-to-moment living, and transform myself instead of accepting that I have limited potential as a parent and a human being. I have not been honest with myself that I have been aware of myself allowing myself to exist like this all along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my anger together with fear of others and the need, desire, and want for protection, has brought about the manifestation design and creation of weapons and the reason why war exists in itself – my support of war, murder, and violence is my minds ultimate opportunity to discharge of fierce anger. Instead of seeing myself as directly and/or indirectly responsible for war, murder, and other abuses by accepting and allowing fear and anger of/at myself and others to exist within and as me, I separated myself from it as, “This has nothing to do with me. This wasn’t my decision.” — Even on the surface, this separation is dishonest because at the time that the War On Terrorism began in my country, I was in 100% support of this because I saw this as an opportunity for my country to gain status, wealth, power, make sure that we get the spoils of war, make other countries fearful of us, and to insure that other countries would not ‘mess with us’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself when and as I became aware of the value of life that I had before that supported murder and violence – and because I was not honest with myself about who/what I accepted and allowed myself to become that was unaligned with who/what I wanted to be, I further accumulated, suppressed, and ignored my anger with myself.

The next post begins Self-Correction.

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

Here continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am/become angry, that I am an in-fact angry at myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there exists only one kind of angeranger at myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this one anger at myself that I have is a consequence of me not being self-honest – and because I am not allowing myself to see myself as the cause/source/origin of my anger and because I do not want to be seen as an ‘angry person‘, I project and suppress my anger so that I do not have to experience it – within this, what I have not seen is that I AM going to experience it – one way or another. The anger is going to emerge from myself as accumulated anger until I blow or I’m going to see outside of myself in/as others and my world. I have not considered stopping and facing the points of self-dishonesty that are the cause of my anger instead of trying to run, hide, ignore, or push the points away.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to STOP myself when and as I experience anger – when and as I am experiencing anger, I become mind-possessed rather than breathing and asking myself: WHY am I angry? WHERE did this anger start? WHICH POINTS in my world have I not been honest with myself about? — If I had allowed myself to ask myself these questions and bring my anger back to myself, I would have assisted and supported myself to not become that ‘angry person‘ that I don’t want to be.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when another is directing their anger at me, that they are actually angry at themselves for points that they have not been honest with themselves about – the very same thing that I do. Because I have not seen, realized, nor understood this, I take it personal when others direct their anger at me and so I direct my anger at them – I have not allowed myself to see this scenario for what it is: two or more self-dishonest people within separation from ourselves and attempting force another to experience our anger so that we do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others anger personally, become angry, and then express my anger/outrage at this rather than seeing that it is not personal, not becoming angry, not participating in the fight/battle/competition, breathing, and waiting it out until the energy runs out. I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to participate in this game.

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

In this post continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts, “I can’t be a good parent. I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I’m not good enough,” to exist within and as me. I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have allowed these thoughts to integrate into and as me because of my fear of failure. Where, at the same time, I see myself as having something to prove and so I push myself and I push my child which keeps us both locked in a polarity battle – as I battle within, I battle without with my child. All the while that I’m busy battling within and without, I’m missing me, my child, my life, and our life together here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that battling with inside with myself and outside with my child has never been a solution – it changes nothing and does more harm than good. Instead of allowing myself to be here with myself and my child and finding out ways for us to live and express ourselves, I accept and allow myself to exist within reactive responses day-in-and-day-out. This is my ‘life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-and-over-again allow myself to experience and uncomfortableness with my child’s outbursts that I hear as loud and nerve grating. I also experience this uncomfortableness with many of the Words that they choose to express as who they are in that moment – when the child begins expressing backchat, I have a fear response as, “What if I allow this and they ‘slip up’ in front of one of my friends, an older family member, or someone that does not approve of swearing?” Again, I become angry at myself because I see myself as not bringing an acceptable representation of myself out into this world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the polarity trap I’ve created for within myself in-relation to how I allow my child to express themselves, where: One part of me would like to allow the child to swear/express whatever Words best describe how they are experiencing themselves/others and on the other side, I see that allowing a child to swear and express themselves is Wrong and only something that a Bad, irresponsible parent would allow. So, again, this adds additional fuel to my self-anger which I then project onto my child and attempt to make them change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest within the point of my child being loud, having outbursts, and swearing and then me telling myself that I fear what others will say/act-out/think as a reaction – here I am attempting to separate myself from my reactions to the noises and Words by lying to myself and saying, “It’s their fault my child cannot express themselves as they like,” when all the while it’s been me reacting and not wanting see/hear/experience my mind and mind-body uncomfortableness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that Words and certain ways that Words are expressed ‘play me like a fiddle’ – because of my separation from myself as I react, I did not notice this. I have been wholly controlled like a puppet on a string.