War Within War Without – Day 7

Here continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I am angry at myself for allowing myself to exist as I am as fear, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, distrust, not being good enough, and inferiority – I have not seen nor realized that there could be a better existence for myself when and as I stop, stand up, change how I direct my moment-to-moment living, and transform myself instead of accepting that I have limited potential as a parent and a human being. I have not been honest with myself that I have been aware of myself allowing myself to exist like this all along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my anger together with fear of others and the need, desire, and want for protection, has brought about the manifestation design and creation of weapons and the reason why war exists in itself – my support of war, murder, and violence is my minds ultimate opportunity to discharge of fierce anger. Instead of seeing myself as directly and/or indirectly responsible for war, murder, and other abuses by accepting and allowing fear and anger of/at myself and others to exist within and as me, I separated myself from it as, “This has nothing to do with me. This wasn’t my decision.” — Even on the surface, this separation is dishonest because at the time that the War On Terrorism began in my country, I was in 100% support of this because I saw this as an opportunity for my country to gain status, wealth, power, make sure that we get the spoils of war, make other countries fearful of us, and to insure that other countries would not ‘mess with us’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself when and as I became aware of the value of life that I had before that supported murder and violence – and because I was not honest with myself about who/what I accepted and allowed myself to become that was unaligned with who/what I wanted to be, I further accumulated, suppressed, and ignored my anger with myself.

The next post begins Self-Correction.