Does Spanking Result In Respect? – Day 19

Tonight, this photo appeared in my Facebook feed:

1,433,614 people like this.

Obviously, this statement is a lie – and as with the majority of lies, it is a something that we tell ourselves to feel better about ourselves and something that we’re doing because we are actually aware that we are not responding in the best way.  In this case, the obvious truth is that spanking does not result in a child having respect for others – no, spanking results in a child fearing and being angry with themselves and others.  To prove this, all that one has to do is to go back to when your parents spanked you or if you have forgotten, place yourself in the shoes of the child.  Are you thinking about how you’ve just learned a lesson in Respect? Highly unlikely.

How are you feeling? Shocked? Confused? Dis-empowered? Violated? Scared? Distrustful? Angry?

How many parents stop, ask themselves WHY the child apparently has behavioral and psychological conditions?  Why is the child being accused of being a bully?  Why is the child anxious? Why does the child not listen and follow the parent’s direction? Why does the parent have to coax, plead, beg, yell, threaten and attempt all sorts of ‘tricks’ to get the child moving? Why does the child cry and often scream like they are in actual physical pain?

Why do parents continue to spank the child despite the fact that the child is showing over-and-over-and-over again that the what the parent  thought – what the parent worked out in their mind as the desired result – does not actually work?

And c’mon – spanking didn’t work on us either.  Look around you – look at all the people in this world – the majority of these people were spanked by their parents.  There is no respect here and it’s clear why: we were never taught Self-Respect. How can we respect others if we do not respect ourselves? The reality is that we’ve taught children fear, anger, and distrust – so, within this, the child becomes an adult with fear, anger, and distrust for others and themselves.  Just like us.

Parent or not, there is another pressing point which is the point of consequence.  When messages like this are shared it gives each other the permission to harm a child.  Yes, the message may have been about an act of ‘spanking’ and not all-out-beating, however, out of the 1,433,614 people that liked this, how many do we actually think are not harming nor have the potential of harming a child?  Will they see this message as the ‘go-ahead’?  What about the people that didn’t hit the ‘like’ button when the message was shared 457,953 times?  Who saw that?  What kind of mind is reading that?  Can we say with 100% certainty that a child is not going to be harmed because an adult got it in their mind that spanking a child is okay and teaches respect?  What if the spanking gets out of hand and the adult takes it further to the point of bruises, breaks, hospitalization, or even death?  What if the child does not show respect and the adult hits harder?  I mean, this stuff is really happening in this world and we cannot say, “It’s not my problem.” Because it is. We accepted it, we allowed it, this is our home, these are the people that we share our home with, and this is the home that our children are inheriting.  Why would we NOT make this our problem?

We tend to think that this is about us and only about us when it’s really not.  It’s about all of us and we must consider our responsibility to each other and assist and support each other to develop Self-Respect.  When we no longer accept and allow ourselves to be violated – in any way, including spanking – then we will no longer accept and allow the child or anyone else to be violated.  That’s REAL RESPECT.


What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Here I am continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:  Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to understand my anger and to get it sorted out before I made the decision to have children.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously judge myself as irresponsible, unworthy, and as the worst possible kind of person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing a child into an unstable home. A result of this judgment is that I live in a constant and continuous state of guilt, remorse, and self-pity instead of standing, stopping, investigating myself, and taking a real self-honest look at the parent that I want to be and could be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will raise/teach/program my child to be violent, abusive, and a bully. Regardless of the fact that I have shown myself over-and-over again that my fears prevent nothing and that I end up manifesting what I’m fearing, I have continued to allow my fear to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to ignore my child when they ‘act out’ because I have allowed myself to believe that if I ignore bad behavior that the bad behavior will go away. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not pay attention to what I see as ‘not acceptable behavior’ then the bad behavior will stop. Regardless of the fact that I have seen and experienced that this does not work time-and-time again, I keep trying to use this ‘ignore the bad’ technique because I have placed myself in a position of seeing myself as lost, hopeless, and not knowing the best thing to do for the child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into the opposite polarity with my child when and as I see Good Behavior – when and as they show behavior that I like I will reward them with praise, physical demonstrations of love, and attention.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of myself moving from anger, to ignorance, to loving with my child where within this, I shift between personalities, confuse my child and attempt to keep them under control. The child often says to me, “You’re being mean.” “Aww. You’re back to being nice to me again.” Or, “Are you okay mom? What’s wrong?” I am sending them constant and continual conflicting ‘signals’ about who/what I am where who/what I am is unstable, having no solid stance, and reacting moment-by-moment to my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself as an unstable, self-dishonest, and a reactive person onto my child where I see them as having a problem and being the problem instead of seeing that I am the problem and/or the cause of the problem and being honest with myself about this so that I will stop and change what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that a very young child sort out their anger when I, an adult, still have not sorted out mine. I have not allowed myself to place myself in the child’s shoes where, when I was young, I could easily pick-out where adults were telling me to do something that they were not doing themselves – and within this, I saw that the adults had no grounds to tell me, that they were ignorant, that they did not understand, and what they said could not be trusted. Instead of re-minding myself of this, I repeated the patterns of the adults in my life because it is easier to pawn off responsibility then to actually give how I would have liked to be given.