The Joy of Equal Communication

Some time ago, I watched a video interview with Bernard Poolman who described how he would reflect his children’s emotions, feelings, expressions and actions back to them without actually reacting to their emotions, feelings, expressions, and actions.  I have been practicing this mirroring back with my son for months and it has been a process for us both.  In the beginning, I felt myself reacting inside when I reflected himself as myself back to him and his response was reacting back to me in anger and frustration.  As time has progressed, it has become one of the base methods of our communication with each other and we both enjoy reflecting our expressions of each other from ourselves back to the other.  We have come to the point where we are laughing at and with one another.

We are learning to trust each other.

This type of communication does not stop here as it’s giving me the opportunity to get to know my son and have the ability to discern his real wants and needs.  To put this into perspective, I’ll be using the example below:

My son enjoys playing ‘Angry Birds’ on the computer.  I do not enjoy it as much as he does so I will only play with him for a short amount of time before I go to another task.  As I was making a cherry pie for my husband, my son, on the computer, asks me to come play this game with him.  I said ‘no, I am making Daddy a pie’.  He said, with a sigh, ‘I guess I’ll just stay in here by myself then.’  I replied, ‘Well, if you’re going to stay in there, then I guess I’ll just stay in here by myself and make this pie.’  He came out to the kitchen with a look of concern on his face – he wanted to make sure that I was ‘okay’.  He showed me that he was truly not cool with playing on his own at that moment.

Parents, we are told constantly how we are failing as parents and what we ‘should not’ be doing.  We are aware of how we are or have messed up and we are seeing the consequences of this within our world.  We search and look and try all kinds of different crazy ‘tricks’ and ‘methods’ to be a better parent.  We try to avoid doing everything that everyone is telling us not to do and to be honest, this makes us mess up even worse because it’s not real life stuff that we’re trying to pull off.  I’m seeing that I’ve been looking outside of myself for answers – that one piece of the puzzle that’s going to give me an ‘edge’ on this parenting gig.  I didn’t realize, until just a few hours ago, that this mystery solution of epic-explainable-in-big-psycho-babble-vocabulary is unreal and does not exist.  What works is something that’s right here, right now.  Communication within equality.  All, as one, as equal. Everything here is a reflection of ourselves.

We must work and never give up so that we can get to the point where we are able to not react to what we’re seeing and hearing so that we can see and hear, for real, what’s going on within ourselves, each other, our children, and our world.  I did not give up on communicating with my son as an equal because I had tried everything else, it never ‘worked’, and there was no other option for me to do.  And now, I share joy with my child within the trust that we’re building within honest communication to and as ourselves and each other.


Don’t Bite Your Friends!

My son has been ill for several days – he’s had a fever, his nose has been stuffed up, he’s been sleeping a lot during the day and then he developed a swollen gland.  I took him to the ‘doctor’ (Physician’s Assistant) yesterday and it was determined that he has strep throat.  So we’re on the road to recovery now but man, it’s been rough as he’s incredibly needy when he’s sick and up every 1-2 hours during the night crying for me.

I’ve experienced myself as ‘worn down’ in a way but not entirely –  I’m not as ‘cranky’ as I expected so my ‘mood’ hasn’t changed.  Difficulty expressing what is is exactly that I am and I’m hesitant to describe myself as more ‘open’.  Perhaps that is it.

A Blue Pussy, a Dildo, a Robot, a Uterus, a bi-polar Stoner, and a Furry DJ teaching our children Morals.

Last night, the TV was playing in the background and it was on a child’s show called ‘Yo Gabba Gabba!’.  This show has always fascinated me because the characters are a reflection of us and what is here as their physical forms are created to be a one-eyed-dildo, a flowering-uterus, a green-moody-monster, a robot, and a blue cat (which I don’t get that one).  While it was playing out in the background, the characters began to chant and sing, ‘Don’t Bite Your Friends!’ and I sang along.  Below is a YouTube link to this segment of the show:

The song is still in me.  And this is me, an adult, at 40 years old with all the other layers of memories, experiences, emotions and feelings within me.  I see the impact that this must have on a young, developing mind system and I am in awe of this.  I realize that the television is teaching my child morals – not me.  And I accept and allow this because through the TV and watching my parents, is how I developed my base layer of morals.

Within this realization, I begin to watch what my son is watching on the television and experience many ‘what the fuck?’ moments as what I’ve learned about myself by using the tools and support available from Desteni, goes ‘against’ what I’m watching on TV.  These shows are teaching my child what to expect and how to survive within these expectations as the current system.


So, considering the potential for development with education policies and looking at moral development for the age group of 1-6 months, my starting point is a memory of when my husband first put our son in front of the TV within this age grouping and I remember being pissed-off about it but I did not have any sort of standing back then – as everything inside of me was an absolute mess of ideas, beliefs, and emotions:  I did not want the TV to impress on my child because I was told that TV is bad for kids and yet, at the same time, I was getting a ‘break’, we could relax as a family, and I could further justify that what he was watching was ‘educational’.

Educational. LOL. So true.

If I am being told by others outside of myself that ‘TV is BAD’ for children, this makes me question the statement as no one is saying ‘TV is GOOD’ for children. Hmm.  Myself, I enjoy learning by watching and listening to media – this is how I came to Desteni in the first place and I learn and/or retain more of the material by watching/listening then reading.  Is it because of the fact that I was ‘raised’ by the TV, is it how I, as my mind, learns, or both?

We humans are the mind and from my perspective, when looking practical, responsible solutions for educating ourselves and our children, we need to be aware that we are educating the Human Robot and not a Desteni ‘I’ Process participant nor another who has walked here with Desteni.  We need to approach this curriculum practically within presenting solutions that are effective within how we will be existing within the timeline we’ve established for the implementation of an Equal Money System. Let’s not exclude the effectiveness of the television.  Let’s investigate ways of taking the LIE out Tell-LIE-Vision and making it a PRACTIVISION.