Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 , How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9 and How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to see myself as lost, hopeless, and/or using the excuse that I ‘don’t know what to do’ by reminding myself that this is what the support system of Desteni is here for – to assist me with points that I may not be seeing, realizing and/or understanding.
When and as I see that I am moving between polarities of Good and Bad as demonstrated by my in one moment seeing a child as bad and in another moment, seeing a child as good and physically showing my reaction to this by demonstrating conflicting signals – I stop. I see, realize, and understand that when I allow myself to change from moment-to-moment depending on what’s happening in my environment where I am reacting rather responding/directing moment-to-moment as/within what is best, that I am projecting myself as an unstable, dishonest, and reactive person that cannot be trusted. Within this seeing of myself, I direct myself to no longer accept and allow myself to react and to instead respond by looking at the problem/situation/experience/event and deciding on an action that is best and then apply it.
I commit myself to no longer reward a child with praise, physical shows of love, and attention only when they do something ‘good’ – and to instead physically show them love, caring, and encouragement as an expression of myself with children.
I commit myself to stopping myself from shifting between personalities as a way to keep a child and my environment under control. I remind myself when and as I begin to experience a conflicting shift, that I will be sending the child and my environment conflicting signals about who/what/where I am and instead, allow myself to stand, breath, not react, and assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and self-correction for the points that emerge that I have not yet investigated when and as I experience the desire to shift personalities.
When and as I see that I am expecting a young person to sort out their anger on their own as indicated by me voicing to them, “You have to sort out your anger on your own,” I stop. I no longer allow myself to do this because it is self-dishonest – I see, realize, and understand two points: One, I cannot expect another to do something/transcend a point that I myself have not done/transcended and two, I have a great amount of support to assist me with sorting out my anger and without this it is unlikely that I would have/will do this without that continued support – within reminding myself of these two points, instead of leaving a child alone to work out their anger/issues/frustrations/experiences, I direct myself to be here with the child and give to them the support that I have been given within my own process of working on sorting out my anger.
I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to see a child or anyone outside of myself as ‘having the problem’ and to instead see myself within and as the problem, assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction. So, instead of projecting blame/fault onto others, I stand as an example of not limiting myself as a human being and taking responsibility for and directing the problems that I see where I no longer accept and allow the problems to direct me and separate me from myself.
I commit myself to stopping myself from expecting others, including a young person, to sort out their anger – within this, I instead focus on sorting out my own anger and allow myself to be here to support others as they sort out their anger where I give as I have been given. Instead of pawning off my responsibility for myself and others on to others, I assist and support myself and others with the tools that I’ve learned to not react, to not play the game, and to not take it personal. Additionally, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and self-correction as I see myself within others expressions of anger.