How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8

This post begins the process of writing Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements for realizations of myself within Self-Forgiveness that was written here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

War Within War Without – Day 7

When and as I see that I am reacting to an event that I see as uncontrollable and potentially stressful, I stop. I stabilize myself with breathing. I see, realize, and understand that if I react that this is self-dishonest and within/as this dishonesty, I create self-anger. Additionally, if I separate myself from the event and react, that I miss an opportunity to be self-honest, establish self-trust, and to assist and support myself to remove anger from myself.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing my anger to direct me and/or accumulate within and as me by breathing to stabilize myself and using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction to assist and support myself to release myself from my anger, to stand up and become the directive principle in my living and to prevent anger in the future by being/becoming self-honest.

When and as I see that I am reacting or about to react to my child’s expression of anger, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that whatever they are doing or saying is not about me and that it’s about how they are experiencing themselves and if I react that I will not be able to assist and support them with communicating with me/themselves, understanding themselves, and re-directing themselves. Instead of allowing myself to react, I investigate myself and look for ways that I can assist both my child and myself to be self-honest.

I commit myself to continue to practice not reacting to my child by: breathing, facing myself as the child assists in bringing up points, no longer accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my anger/reactions with blame, practicing counting my words, placing a guard on my thoughts, and to practice ‘being a like a tree‘.

When and as my child or anyone else outside of myself shows anger and/or frustration directed at me or not directed at me, I remind myself that this anger and/or frustration is not personal and that the anger and/or frustration one is experiencing is in-fact with themselves – just as it is with me being angry and/or frustrated with myself for accepting and allowing myself to live self-dishonestly. Instead of reacting, I stop, I breath, and I wait for the energy to pass.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be/become overwhelmed with irritation and conflict by no longer accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in myself as my mind’s fear and to instead breath and remind myself that: What I resist persists. So, within this, instead of resisting, ignoring, and/or trying to make the uncomfortable events outside of myself stop, I work on stopping how these uncomfortable events direct/move/change me from within with the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction so that I can I stand as an example of how it is actually possible to stand, be responsible, and be countable regardless of how ‘tough’ or ‘hard’ or ‘impossible’ changing/making changes in one’s world may look within/as/through the filtration of our minds.

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

Here continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am/become angry, that I am an in-fact angry at myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there exists only one kind of anger – anger at myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this one anger at myself that I have is a consequence of me not being self-honest – and because I am not allowing myself to see myself as the cause/source/origin of my anger and because I do not want to be seen as an ‘angry person‘, I project and suppress my anger so that I do not have to experience it – within this, what I have not seen is that I AM going to experience it – one way or another. The anger is going to emerge from myself as accumulated anger until I blow or I’m going to see outside of myself in/as others and my world. I have not considered stopping and facing the points of self-dishonesty that are the cause of my anger instead of trying to run, hide, ignore, or push the points away.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to STOP myself when and as I experience anger – when and as I am experiencing anger, I become mind-possessed rather than breathing and asking myself: WHY am I angry? WHERE did this anger start? WHICH POINTS in my world have I not been honest with myself about? — If I had allowed myself to ask myself these questions and bring my anger back to myself, I would have assisted and supported myself to not become that ‘angry person‘ that I don’t want to be.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when another is directing their anger at me, that they are actually angry at themselves for points that they have not been honest with themselves about – the very same thing that I do. Because I have not seen, realized, nor understood this, I take it personal when others direct their anger at me and so I direct my anger at them – I have not allowed myself to see this scenario for what it is: two or more self-dishonest people within separation from ourselves and attempting force another to experience our anger so that we do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others anger personally, become angry, and then express my anger/outrage at this rather than seeing that it is not personal, not becoming angry, not participating in the fight/battle/competition, breathing, and waiting it out until the energy runs out. I have not allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to participate in this game.

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Here I am continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:  Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to understand my anger and to get it sorted out before I made the decision to have children.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously judge myself as irresponsible, unworthy, and as the worst possible kind of person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing a child into an unstable home. A result of this judgment is that I live in a constant and continuous state of guilt, remorse, and self-pity instead of standing, stopping, investigating myself, and taking a real self-honest look at the parent that I want to be and could be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will raise/teach/program my child to be violent, abusive, and a bully. Regardless of the fact that I have shown myself over-and-over again that my fears prevent nothing and that I end up manifesting what I’m fearing, I have continued to allow my fear to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to ignore my child when they ‘act out’ because I have allowed myself to believe that if I ignore bad behavior that the bad behavior will go away. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not pay attention to what I see as ‘not acceptable behavior’ then the bad behavior will stop. Regardless of the fact that I have seen and experienced that this does not work time-and-time again, I keep trying to use this ‘ignore the bad’ technique because I have placed myself in a position of seeing myself as lost, hopeless, and not knowing the best thing to do for the child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into the opposite polarity with my child when and as I see Good Behavior – when and as they show behavior that I like I will reward them with praise, physical demonstrations of love, and attention.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of myself moving from anger, to ignorance, to loving with my child where within this, I shift between personalities, confuse my child and attempt to keep them under control. The child often says to me, “You’re being mean.” “Aww. You’re back to being nice to me again.” Or, “Are you okay mom? What’s wrong?” I am sending them constant and continual conflicting ‘signals’ about who/what I am where who/what I am is unstable, having no solid stance, and reacting moment-by-moment to my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself as an unstable, self-dishonest, and a reactive person onto my child where I see them as having a problem and being the problem instead of seeing that I am the problem and/or the cause of the problem and being honest with myself about this so that I will stop and change what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that a very young child sort out their anger when I, an adult, still have not sorted out mine. I have not allowed myself to place myself in the child’s shoes where, when I was young, I could easily pick-out where adults were telling me to do something that they were not doing themselves – and within this, I saw that the adults had no grounds to tell me, that they were ignorant, that they did not understand, and what they said could not be trusted. Instead of re-minding myself of this, I repeated the patterns of the adults in my life because it is easier to pawn off responsibility then to actually give how I would have liked to be given.

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

In this post I begin writing self-forgiveness for what I have written on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 so that I can see what I have been accepting and allowing which will assist and support me to take responsibility for my decision to become angry and to see myself for who and what I have allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to control my anger – I have not allowed myself to perfect not reacting to stressful and/or uncontrollable events by breathing until I am stable. Instead of stabilizing myself with breath, I allow the anger to accumulate within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my child’s anger, screaming, swearing, hitting, throwing, and jumping up-and-down is them showing me to me. I have not wanted to face the fact that these expressions of anger are my expressions that I have shown them and programmed into and as them. And because I do not want to face myself as this anger, I react and separate myself from it – where, instead of taking responsibly for the anger and expressions of anger, I blame my experience of myself within and as anger on my child as: This is all them. Not me. They are doing this to me. They are making me react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my child when they are angry and frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become so overwhelmed with irritation and conflict with myself in a situation that I am not in-control of stopping that I react with/as fear – when I allow my fear to take over, I become completely mind-possessed and act physically to create fear so that I can get control of an overwhelmingly uncomfortable situation/experience/event and make it stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my reactions and actions to anger and within this, subject myself to guilt, remorse, sadness, and telling myself that I am a Bad Parent that does not deserve children. Instead of looking at ways that I can change myself in the future to not allow the reactions to accumulate and/or investigate ways to avoid/remove conflict, I allow myself to consume myself with negative emotions and backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my child to physically let their anger out on me where I will allow them to hit me and beat on me with objects in hopes that they will be able to ‘get it all out’ and stop. My putting myself in the position of being their ‘punching bag’ hasn’t changed anything and in-fact, allows the situation/event to become much-much worse where they will hit harder and become destructive. I have not seen, realized, nor understood that I allow myself to become physically hurt as a way to try to avoid conflict and guilt – additionally, I do this to overcompensate for what I see as not being good enough about myself as a person and a parent.