How To Stop Parental Guilt – Day 10

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8 and How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am judging as an irresponsible, unworthy, and the worst possible person because I did not consider the consequences of bringing another child into this world, I stop. Instead of participating in these thoughts, I assist and support myself to release myself from such judgments with self-forgiveness so that I no longer place myself in this continuous cycle of guilt, remorse, and self-pity and thus can really investigate and apply ways to be a responsible, worthy, and best parent possible.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that ‘I screwed up’ and other nastiness about myself having a child before I was able to get myself stable by reminding myself that I cannot change the consequence of my decisions, including having children, and within this, no longer accept and allow myself to get caught up in this where I instead look at, test, and practice ways to best take care of a child, a family, and myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive, and a bully, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that fearing raising, teaching, programming a child to be violent, abusive and a bully has changed nothing – this fear has not stopped me from doing any of this as I have directly taught them that being violent, abusive, and a bully is okay. Instead of allowing myself to participate in and be directed by this one fear in a given moment, I stop, remind myself that this fear exists only in my mind, self-forgive myself for the points that come up, and walk the correction.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my fear of how I could negatively raise, teach, and or program a child to be and within this, no longer accepting and allowing this fear to direct my decisions about what is best for a child, a family, the world, and a child’s future participation in the world. When and as these fears that I will turn a child violent, abusive, and/or a bully emerge, I assist and support myself with self-forgiveness and then look at, investigate, and/or get support for ways to prevent the child from the abusive living that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as myself, my relationships, and my world. Additionally, I remind myself that as I change to no longer accepting and allowing abuse that I will assist and support the child to do the same. It’s a win-win.

When and as I see that I’m attempting to pretend to ignore a child or anyone else when they ‘act out’, I breath and bring myself back to here where I am present and here for support if needed. I see, realize, and understand that ignoring the problem/behavior leads to and/or places me in an experience of lost-ness, hopelessness, and not pushing myself to figure out solutions and ways to support a child that are best.

I commit myself to no longer ignore and/or pretend to ignore what it is that I want to ‘go away’ by allowing myself to face it – even though what I’m seeing is ‘bad’ and by my mind interpretation, should not be. This applies to how I handle a child’s ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ in that I no longer accept and allow myself to ignore and/or pretend to ignore what I see as ‘bad/non-acceptable behavior’ within the hope that it will ‘go away’. I remind myself that I must see and understand the problem, the bad, the non-acceptable if/when/as I am able to come up with workable solutions so that problems, the bad, and the non-acceptable no longer continue to persist.

Within this, I commit myself to investigating what I’m seeing as bad, removing the reactions with the tools of writing and self-forgiveness, and testing/practicing solutions for what I find is best to no longer exist.

How To Stop Beating Up On Myself – Day 9

This post continues Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements from How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8.

See How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1 for the Writing Myself Out part of this point and Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2 through War Within War Without – Day 7 for my Self-Forgiveness process.

When and as I see that I am at that point where I want to make the event/situation stop by reacting and/or releasing my anger, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that all that I am required to do is be here and hear – I do not have to participate.

When and as I see/hear myself showing/telling myself that I am a Bad Parent and/or when, as a result of this, I experience guilt, remorse, and/or sadness, I remind myself that this is not me – that what/who I am showing myself that I am is in direct conflict with who I want to be and to accept and allow myself to participate in the Thoughts gets me caught up and at the mercy of my mind instead of working on practical solutions to become the parent that is best and that I want myself to be. When and as the Thought comes up ‘I am a bad parent because …’, I assist and support myself to release myself from this conflicting information about myself with self-forgiveness and then work on becoming the parent that is more aligned with myself with practical self-correction and then making the decision to walk my correction. Additionally, I see within this that I must pay particular attention the judgments/perceptions/beliefs/and backchat that come up.

I commit myself to stopping my acceptance and allowance of self-judgment, guilt, remorse, sadness, and telling myself the nasty things that I do like ‘I am a Bad Parent that does not deserve children’ by assisting and supporting myself to remove the nastiness and the emotions from myself with writing and self-forgiveness and to investigate, look at, and test out ways that will make me the best parent and human being that I can be.

When and as I hear myself considering allowing myself to be used as a physical ‘punching bag’, I stop. I see, realize and understand that if I allow my child to hit/physically hurt me that I am teaching them that hitting/being hit is ‘okay’. I remind myself of the consequences of allowing abuse of any kind and within this, I no longer accept nor allow myself to offer myself physically to my child or anyone else to let out anger, beat me, hit me, ‘get it all out’, and/or as a punching bag.

I commit myself to no longer allow my child or anyone else to physically ‘let out his anger’ on me. I remind myself that this is how I in-fact teach/show that it’s ‘okay’ to be physically abusive. So, I stop. From here – no more.

How To Prevent Myself From Getting Angry At My Child – Day 8

This post begins the process of writing Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements for realizations of myself within Self-Forgiveness that was written here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

So, Why Am I REALLY Angry? – Day 6

War Within War Without – Day 7

When and as I see that I am reacting to an event that I see as uncontrollable and potentially stressful, I stop. I stabilize myself with breathing. I see, realize, and understand that if I react that this is self-dishonest and within/as this dishonesty, I create self-anger. Additionally, if I separate myself from the event and react, that I miss an opportunity to be self-honest, establish self-trust, and to assist and support myself to remove anger from myself.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing my anger to direct me and/or accumulate within and as me by breathing to stabilize myself and using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction to assist and support myself to release myself from my anger, to stand up and become the directive principle in my living and to prevent anger in the future by being/becoming self-honest.

When and as I see that I am reacting or about to react to my child’s expression of anger, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that whatever they are doing or saying is not about me and that it’s about how they are experiencing themselves and if I react that I will not be able to assist and support them with communicating with me/themselves, understanding themselves, and re-directing themselves. Instead of allowing myself to react, I investigate myself and look for ways that I can assist both my child and myself to be self-honest.

I commit myself to continue to practice not reacting to my child by: breathing, facing myself as the child assists in bringing up points, no longer accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my anger/reactions with blame, practicing counting my words, placing a guard on my thoughts, and to practice ‘being a like a tree‘.

When and as my child or anyone else outside of myself shows anger and/or frustration directed at me or not directed at me, I remind myself that this anger and/or frustration is not personal and that the anger and/or frustration one is experiencing is in-fact with themselves – just as it is with me being angry and/or frustrated with myself for accepting and allowing myself to live self-dishonestly. Instead of reacting, I stop, I breath, and I wait for the energy to pass.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be/become overwhelmed with irritation and conflict by no longer accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in myself as my mind’s fear and to instead breath and remind myself that: What I resist persists. So, within this, instead of resisting, ignoring, and/or trying to make the uncomfortable events outside of myself stop, I work on stopping how these uncomfortable events direct/move/change me from within with the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction so that I can I stand as an example of how it is actually possible to stand, be responsible, and be countable regardless of how ‘tough’ or ‘hard’ or ‘impossible’ changing/making changes in one’s world may look within/as/through the filtration of our minds.

Why Am I Reacting? – Day 5

In this post continuing with writing self-forgiveness from my writing myself out on How Do I Control My Anger? – Day 1.

Previous self-forgiveness writings are here:

Why Do I Get So Irritated? – Day 2

What’s Causing This Instability? – Day 3

Why Can’t I Get Being A Parent Right? – Day 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts, “I can’t be a good parent. I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I’m not good enough,” to exist within and as me. I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have allowed these thoughts to integrate into and as me because of my fear of failure. Where, at the same time, I see myself as having something to prove and so I push myself and I push my child which keeps us both locked in a polarity battle – as I battle within, I battle without with my child. All the while that I’m busy battling within and without, I’m missing me, my child, my life, and our life together here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that battling with inside with myself and outside with my child has never been a solution – it changes nothing and does more harm than good. Instead of allowing myself to be here with myself and my child and finding out ways for us to live and express ourselves, I accept and allow myself to exist within reactive responses day-in-and-day-out. This is my ‘life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-and-over-again allow myself to experience and uncomfortableness with my child’s outbursts that I hear as loud and nerve grating. I also experience this uncomfortableness with many of the Words that they choose to express as who they are in that moment – when the child begins expressing backchat, I have a fear response as, “What if I allow this and they ‘slip up’ in front of one of my friends, an older family member, or someone that does not approve of swearing?” Again, I become angry at myself because I see myself as not bringing an acceptable representation of myself out into this world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the polarity trap I’ve created for within myself in-relation to how I allow my child to express themselves, where: One part of me would like to allow the child to swear/express whatever Words best describe how they are experiencing themselves/others and on the other side, I see that allowing a child to swear and express themselves is Wrong and only something that a Bad, irresponsible parent would allow. So, again, this adds additional fuel to my self-anger which I then project onto my child and attempt to make them change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest within the point of my child being loud, having outbursts, and swearing and then me telling myself that I fear what others will say/act-out/think as a reaction – here I am attempting to separate myself from my reactions to the noises and Words by lying to myself and saying, “It’s their fault my child cannot express themselves as they like,” when all the while it’s been me reacting and not wanting see/hear/experience my mind and mind-body uncomfortableness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that Words and certain ways that Words are expressed ‘play me like a fiddle’ – because of my separation from myself as I react, I did not notice this. I have been wholly controlled like a puppet on a string.